He Never Kissed Me Goodnight

always_kiss

I always hated this sign.  It hurt.

 

Our bedtime ritual pre-D/s consisted of him spending the evening watching tv or reading in our room. At some point I would realize the door was shut and that meant he was already in bed.  He would shut the door as quiet as he could so that I did not hear it.  Some nights I didn’t care and some nights it broke my heart.  We have never went to bed at the same time. This all started as soon as we got married.  I’ve always been a late person and he accommodated me in the year we were dating. As soon as we were living together that was his ticket for sleep.  He actually said something to that extent that he was relieved he could actually sleep now.  So he would tell me he was going to bed and I didn’t want to go so I would pout and make him feel guilty.  I don’t know why I couldn’t just do it. Eventually he stopped telling me he was going to bed. Occasionally he would tell me goodnight when things were going well with us but for the most part I would just find the door closed.  It was like this for over twenty years.

 

Since the D/s he tells me he is going to bed and I immediately follow him.  He usually gets in bed while I I’m in the bathroom.  I then kneel beside the bed naked for a few minutes and then he pulls me up. I will lay on him and we may talk a while or it leads to playtime or I rub his back and let him go to sleep with no guilt. I have struggled with being disappointed when there is no playtime. It is hard not to display that but it is probably the most important thing I do. He has said recently that he would rather have me mad at him than see the look of disappointment on my face.  That’s why he always went to bed without telling me.

I don’t stay in bed with him and he doesn’t mind. Sometimes he goes to bed so early.  I have taken time for him and for us and then I can make the night longer.

I wouldn’t go back to the way it was. Early in this there was a night I walked down the hall and the door was closed. I stopped dead in my tracks and as I choked back tears I thought No he wouldn’t go to bed without telling me.  I opened the door and he was reading. The kids had just gotten too loud. I started to tell him that I had seen the door closed and he cut me off saying he wouldn’t do that me.

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One thought on “He Never Kissed Me Goodnight

  1. Pingback: Sunday Ritual – Naked Frontier | toraprincess

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