its back

Sometimes I just don’t know where I fit in this world. I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I don’t know who I am. Everything seems wrong and I feel alone and lost. I don’t like my job and I feel like I have no friends and nothing is right. In the past I would include thinking that my marriage was failing but now I just think our D/s isn’t working and that one or both of us is incapable of sustaining it.  

I have realized that this happens during a specific week every month. Yesterday was great and this morning was ok but this afternoon BAM I’m there. I’ve crashed and I want to curl up in a ball in the corner and just cry. I want to tell Daddy and have him fix it but he has his own struggles right now and really how can he “fix it”.

I’ve went overboard in the last few months during this time period. Expecting him to cure my anxiety. I’m determined not to stress him out this go around. I did get a mild prescription from the doctor. I guess I’ll take it and see if it helps. Maybe I’ll color. I can’t spend an entire week coloring can I?

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4 thoughts on “its back

  1. I found myself cycling grouch that fur a king while, but for reasons related to the prudess if jetting go and finally am facing things about myself I needed to face and conquer. D/s allowed for that, whereas I’d protected myself in the past. It’s taken a while to uncover things as well as to unlearn (as you mentioned in your bedtime post) as we learn, but that process has been what’s built this unbelievable thing we have. There aren’t words to describe it! I also felt as I let go and became who I was meant to be all along, my life no longer fit… Job, friends, so many things. But, it gets easier! And more and more comfortable. You’re not alone!

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