I nit-pick. I complain. I can be very judgmental of the way he does things. I’m not sure I can say that in a past tense sense yet. Maybe I can. I truly believe I am getting much better.
During play I am having trouble determining when I am being nitpicky and when I really need to speak up. I have a tendency to stay in my head so I have been repeating “Feel Don’t Think Feel” to try to stop the brain and just feel the sensations. It is working well.
The other night that just wasn’t cutting it. With my hands bound behind my back and my head down on the bed I was not comfortable. I wasn’t on my knees right and my neck was hurting supporting my weight. I didn’t say anything. I tried to ignore it. Then I shifted around trying to adjust position. My facial expressions did not show pleasure.
At some point he did unhook my hands. He said later he thought I didn’t enjoy having my hands bound behind my back. Not the case at all. I don’t want him to refrain from restraining me. I crave so much more of it.
The experience really was wonderful. He went further with some things than he ever has. I felt I was letting go and was feeling a touch of that wonderful submissive mindset that I have yet to fully achieve. He didn’t feel any of that. When I was telling him how awesome it was he glared at me like he didn’t believe me. He criticized himself for certain things. My actions and expressions spoke things to him I did not intend.
I should have spoken up. It’s so easy to realize that after.
We talked a little last night and we will talk more in depth this weekend. We will figure out when and how it is appropriate for me to speak up.