How submissive am I?

I know I have been selfish for most of our marriage. I no longer want to be like that. I want to give to him what he has given to me for many years. I know I am getting much better but I have a long way to go.

To serve him without any expectations seems like an unreachable goal for me. There are always expectations. I want his dominance in return. I want the kinky sex. When I feel those things are lacking I struggle. I have a hard time not showing disappointment and that crushes him most. He absolutely hates to disappoint me.

Do I have it in me to be selfless? To give and expect nothing in return?
I don’t know. I do love this man with every fiber of my being. I’m here I’m not going anywhere.

I have just tasted a small bite of the D/s and the kink and what it can be and I want more. I don’t want to slide back into the old ways. The limited connection the limited sex.

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6 thoughts on “How submissive am I?

  1. I still struggle with expectations. I don’t think it’s the expectation that is hard but the unspoken expectation that is crushing when he never notices I had it. He can’t meet a need you don’t share. Very difficult lesson for me. I was afraid telling him I needed something was topping from the bottom, but it is at the very heart of the honesty needed for this dynamic. He alone decides if my need is going to be met and how he will meet it. This new way of doing requires such gut wrenching honesty. Sometimes it is frightening. The new normal is that I don’t expect mind reading anymore. Serving without a positive return is hard to maintain. Tell him what you need to hear. I needed to hear that he noticed my efforts. So I told him I did them. No longer did I set him up to fail a test of not noticing something. (Wait to see if he is perceptive enough to notice my new hair style kind of test.) I invite intimacy.

    You are moving along at just the right pace for you guys. You’ve come so far! Way to go.
    Xo

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Please know….. Your husband/Dom is not psychic. The base of all relationships should be communication. Yes, submission is about giving, but please do not fool yourself into believing that it has nothing to do with receiving.
    I understand the mind frame of its all about him, but the truth is this…..it’s not.
    He may be your guide and your rock but to be a good submissive you need to become right with you and never be afraid to express your needs.

    Liked by 1 person

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