I know I have been selfish for most of our marriage. I no longer want to be like that. I want to give to him what he has given to me for many years. I know I am getting much better but I have a long way to go.
To serve him without any expectations seems like an unreachable goal for me. There are always expectations. I want his dominance in return. I want the kinky sex. When I feel those things are lacking I struggle. I have a hard time not showing disappointment and that crushes him most. He absolutely hates to disappoint me.
Do I have it in me to be selfless? To give and expect nothing in return?
I don’t know. I do love this man with every fiber of my being. I’m here I’m not going anywhere.
I have just tasted a small bite of the D/s and the kink and what it can be and I want more. I don’t want to slide back into the old ways. The limited connection the limited sex.