I woke up this morning really wanting to get myself off. At this point I am still to be given permission for that.
When researching and learning about the D/s I was told I shouldn’t want to play without him at all. In the beginning that was ok but if there were nights that we did not play I would begin to get irritable. He would sometimes leave me a note that I could play but to me that felt like he was doing it because he felt guilty. I didn’t like that and I was also made to feel by others that it was wrong so I wouldn’t.
Then I read the blog of someone who plays on her own regularly. She wrote so beautifully about not needing to orgasm herself while she is with her Dom. Her focus and satisfaction is on him and his pleasure. I guess as a submissive it should always be but I know I’m not there yet. I know it is Daddy’s desire for me to orgasm every time but that isn’t always going to be possible. So I told Daddy of what I read and that I thought maybe if I played more on my own I would calmer during those in between times and find that I could focus on him and not be so concerned with whether or not I would get off. I was looking to get the needing permission taken away but that didn’t happen. I guess he’s finding he likes that. He did tell me that he gives me permission not out of guilt but as a reward for having patience.
After the discussion he has been giving me permission more frequently and I am always allowed to ask. I look at his permission as a gift. Most importantly we do what works for us. Not what someone else says we should.
So this morning I’m lying in bed wondering if he gave me permission and if not should I ask. Do I need it that bad? Kinda I get up to check my morning note. No exercises, play, orgasm, send pictures. 😀