Is it all in my head?

Another blogger got me thinking this morning. Well I am always thinking so I should say she inspired this train of thought. Normally this train derails but not this time!

Anyway I was thinking about how so much of my submission is self-imposed. I brought this to him. I do nearly all of the research. I started by doing things like kneeling and calling him Sir. I was the one to suggest what rules we do have based on my research. I started taking over household tasks that he was doing. He demands very few things but I look for ways to serve him or think of how a task I may not want to do will benefit him. I am not a routine person and he very much is. I have become better as I try to be consistent for him. I have found it easier to do just about anything while thinking of how it would please him.

Thinking of this though sometimes gets me down. I think what if this is all an illusion in my head. Am I really still the one in power?

However I’m told patience is key. That damn p word! Some of the things he asks of me are more character related. His input has been in areas I would not have anticipated like how I conduct myself at work. They are areas of value to him. He’s perfectly capable of making his own lunch and picking out his own clothes. Those aren’t things he will ask of me but I believe he cherishes them as an expression of my taking care of him. Things I did not do or do very graciously for twenty years prior.

So an illusion No. In my head Yes in a way because I am constantly thinking of him. I want to find ways to serve him as well as ways that keep the feeling of my connection to him. I am not in power. I let him have final say. He lets me decide for myself the things that don’t matter to him. He is not a very particular person.

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4 thoughts on “Is it all in my head?

  1. Over the course of my marriage and as we have grown, there are things that I do consistently for my husband. Yes I could do more, but he is very particular about the way things are done so he’d rather I not do them ☺ Take for instance, his supper. I fix his plate and take it to him. With virtually no kids in the house during that time, he often chooses to eat in bed. When we are finished eating, I will take his plate and put it up. During the winter, because he works outside, I ensure all the warm clothes he needs are clean. Coveralls, long johns, wool socks, ect. I sometimes even put them in the dryer before he puts them on for extra warmth.

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  2. I have found that I am naturally a servant submissive. I have been doing servant style things for Sir since the beginning of our relationship; his schedule, cleaning, cooking, laundry, and all the other ‘tasks’ associated with life. When he brought 24.7 to me, it was not those things that he wanted perse. He wanted more abstract things centered around respect and mental presence. I struggled in those areas, not because I do not respect him, but because I was not used to showing it in the way he desired. He now appreciates that my servant style tasks are a fundamental part of my submission and recognizes it daily, however, it just took time for us to both work through what makes him feel Dominant and what makes me feel submissive. -belle

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