Another blogger got me thinking this morning. Well I am always thinking so I should say she inspired this train of thought. Normally this train derails but not this time!
Anyway I was thinking about how so much of my submission is self-imposed. I brought this to him. I do nearly all of the research. I started by doing things like kneeling and calling him Sir. I was the one to suggest what rules we do have based on my research. I started taking over household tasks that he was doing. He demands very few things but I look for ways to serve him or think of how a task I may not want to do will benefit him. I am not a routine person and he very much is. I have become better as I try to be consistent for him. I have found it easier to do just about anything while thinking of how it would please him.
Thinking of this though sometimes gets me down. I think what if this is all an illusion in my head. Am I really still the one in power?
However I’m told patience is key. That damn p word! Some of the things he asks of me are more character related. His input has been in areas I would not have anticipated like how I conduct myself at work. They are areas of value to him. He’s perfectly capable of making his own lunch and picking out his own clothes. Those aren’t things he will ask of me but I believe he cherishes them as an expression of my taking care of him. Things I did not do or do very graciously for twenty years prior.
So an illusion No. In my head Yes in a way because I am constantly thinking of him. I want to find ways to serve him as well as ways that keep the feeling of my connection to him. I am not in power. I let him have final say. He lets me decide for myself the things that don’t matter to him. He is not a very particular person.