I am finally heading off to bed and I stop in the kitchen and see the dishes still all over the counter. My heart sinks. I don’t want him to see this when he gets up at 3:45am. He gets up so early to go to work for us. I don’t want him to start his day this way. So I clean the kitchen before bed.

I have always wanted to do things for him EXCEPT domestic chores. That is where I fought. Run errands or some other task fine but dishes and laundry No. I so had in my mind that it was not fair to be expected to do them because I was the woman. It was all in my mind though. He never expected them done at all and certainly not because I was the woman.

He still doesn’t ask and it isn’t part of any rule or chore list. I do them because I don’t want to put any more burden on him. I want to step up in ways I haven’t before. I don’t want him to see those dishes when he wakes up in the morning.

It may not be much to most but it’s a huge thinking shift for me.


12 thoughts on “Dishes

  1. I have had the same shift in thinking recently, not particularly because I like domestics but because I want to take better care of our home for him. I do not want him to feel the burden on domestics when he has a huge burden of going to work to support our family. As for the stereotypes and gender expectations, women were programed generations ago to take responsibly for domestics. It has now shifted the opposite direction; women work outside the home all the time and society is pushing for relationships to be ‘equal’. I try to live my life by what feels right for my Sir and I and not based on what the larger society would think is okay for the current standard for my gender. I am not ashamed for him to lead me and our family nor will I be ashamed for taking care of our home to make his life easier. We both contribute to our life and relationship in unique and equally important ways. -belle

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sad to say it is just a different mindset than I have been for so long. I only focused on why I had to do it or not wanting to do it. Very selfish but that is talk I grew up with. Looking at it from the perspective of not only pleasing him for praise but just so he is comfortable and relaxed has made all the difference in the world. It gives me pleasure. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • I will tell you the I have always done it (even working out of the home) and always saw it as an act of love. For years it was just the way I was and never even thought about. One day about fifteen years ago, D came up to me after having been out doing some work with our church at the time. He walked up behind me, put his arms around me and started to weep. I was so taken aback, I didn’t know what to do.

      He just held me for the longest time and when he looked in my eyes all he said was, “you have NO IDEA what it feels like to me to walk into our home and feel this cherished and taken care of.” I’ve never forgotten it and I find I am always looking for more ways to make him remain cherished. They NOTICE every single action and they take it to heart.

      Liked by 2 people

      • That is awesome 🙂 I feel rather guilty for my actions all of these years. Just tonight I asked him if he wanted me to make him some hot tea. He said yes but he was confused. I told him I just thought he might like it. The little things that I have missed doing for so long.

        Liked by 1 person

      • No guilt! Just embrace the changes you are feeling – they are beautiful. It’s a spiritual thing I think, Tora. It’s like suddenly you see with your inner eyes and all of the ways you interact with him, love him, serve him are suddenly visible in new ways.

        Enjoy every single action you take from that heart that is filled with desire for his happiness.


  2. Thank you for sharing, this is beautiful. i have been struggling lately with not just doing the acts of service, but keeping the mindset while i do them. Acts of service, especially domestic ones, have always been a part of what i do..they come naturally for me. But in that ‘natural-ness’ it seems that there has come an auto-pilot type mentality to it lately. Something i am not proud of and working on correcting. Reading your thoughts have helped sort some of that out in my head, thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I find it funny that something I say with such little experience could help someone else but that feels awesome. 🙂
      I bore of routine so much that I know I have issues staying in a mindset once something becomes routine.


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