I have spent considerable time trying to figure out who I am. I really thought that answer lay in a career path. A wife and a mother didn’t seem like a sufficient answer. It was ingrained expectation that I needed a career to define myself.

I thought I had an answer when I made a decision to go back to school. I even did a project that consisted of my image as a puzzle finally being completed. When my career didn’t fill the hole I figured I must have chosen the wrong career path and I continued searching. I took quizzes and read books on finding your passion. Over the past few years I had given up that quest. I decided that I really didn’t have a desire for a career so why bother. I still felt lost though. I still couldn’t answer the question who am I.

Daddy and I have had our ups and downs but I would say at least the last ten years have been good. I saw it as a fulfilling marriage but I didn’t realize that I was still very lonely. I now think that was the hole I felt inside. Since discovering D/s a bond has formed between the two of us far stronger than anything we had felt before. It fills that void. I am whole. I am no longer lonely. I can stop looking outside and just focus on pleasing him because that nourishes our connection and makes me happy.

I must still work as it is needed and that serves him. It does not define me though.

This is me. 


18 thoughts on “Me

    • Id rather be home taking care of things for him but I know that would put added stress on him at this point.
      All the “fun” jobs are a pay-cut. Maybe in the future after the kids are out. 🙂


      • Well… I wasn’t necessarily talking about a more fun job, but more about your frame of mind going into this one. If you can find one or two things that make it fine to do it, then it’ll be easier. And one of them is that it helps your Daddy. If you manage to focus on that, it helps take away the day to day grind…
        And if you change your outlook on that job, it helps make it more pleasant too 🙂
        Hard to explain. I’m poorly today, and words escape me…

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Firstly, Tora, being a wife and mother is a career, full time job. I think all of us can agree to that ☺ Now, I’m thrilled that you have found you!!! You may continue to find facets of yourself that make you even more complete, fulfilled and give you the ability to do more for your relationship than you ever dreamed possible. Go you!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

      • Gaaah!!! I wanted to be a bus driver, teacher, psychiatrist, I don’t even remember what all else!!! Lol!!! Never did I think I’d be where I am. Now I just wanna be a Unicorn that shits clouds, rainbows, glitter and fairy dust. Overachieving dare I say 😄

        Liked by 1 person

      • lmao Lets see a firefighter (decided against that quickly), psychiatrist (too many years of school), some telecommunications thing (that was over when I dropped the first class after crying and crying to Daddy because I didn’t understand any of it), day care worker (I don’t like kids that much).
        I picked my career in computer science because at the time I was under the assumption I could get a coding job working at home with a two year degree. That meant not needing day care. Things changed a lot and I ended up getting a four year degree and never got a job in programming. Honestly not sure I was ever cut out for it. I do IT support and have no real desire to strive for more. I do wonder why I’m paying loan bills to be qualified to turn the DVD player on and tell people to “turn it off and on again”.
        Oh well such is life.
        I’ve always envied those that really knew what they wanted to do.

        Liked by 1 person

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