Learning

Yesterday he had to work most of the day and then today he was away fixing the car. As the day progressed I got more anxious. I just felt disconnected from him. I needed him. When he got home I hugged him very tightly and was on the verge of tears. He asked Did something happen?  No I just missed you. There was only a slight indication of him being upset by that. I had a nice dinner ready for him and after he ate he went to take a shower.  I knelt there in the bathroom while he showered. I just needed to be in the same room as him.  As he was drying off he might have seemed a bit annoyed.  After he dressed he stood me up and hugged me. He said Is there something you need from me? I told him I just needed to be with him.

All of this would have went down very differently before.  I would have been mad at him being away most of the weekend. I probably would have given him the cold shoulder or been pissy. If I would have managed to tell him I missed him he would have taken it as he could do nothing right and gotten upset. My hovering around him often made him very visibly annoyed.

We are both learning.  I responded with my true feelings. I just missed him. He understood my honesty and might have felt a bit guilty but knew I was not saying that to make him feel bad. I was simply stating the truth and I was not angry or bitter. He may have been a bit annoyed with my hovering but he understands it’s because I just want to feel close to him.  He asked if I needed anything from him and when I said I just wanted to be with him he asked if I would be fine sitting with him while he watched some tv.

I am able to understand what I’m feeling and express it in a constructive manner and he is able to hear it and respond lovingly.

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10 thoughts on “Learning

      • I learned long ago that behind almost every feeling of anger is a fear. Instead of reacting with angry words and lashing out we need to look deeper and ask “what am I fearing?” Initially it may seem that we are angry because he didn’t spend time with us, but the truth behind that anger is a fear that he does not value our time together as much as I do, fear of being rejected, many different fears may pop up. anyways… just a little insight that helped me to verbalize what was really going on with me.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. There are simply times when just the need to be together is more overpowering than anything else. There is comfort in being close by. Daddy and I have felt that too, especially this last week and a half.

    Liked by 1 person

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