Sometimes I still cry on the way to work. It is now for different reasons and neither time were they about going to work.
I used to cry on my way in and dream of just driving. I just wanted to keep going and not stop. Spend the entire day just seeing how far I could get. A symbolic running away. Occasionally an old song comes on the radio that reminds me of that drive and I can’t listen to it.
I thought of this today driving in. I was singing and grinning from ear to ear. I have never been this happy before. It’s our connection. I can’t even explain how much of a difference it makes.
That was the issue then. We were not in a good place. He was on the verge of walking out. Every day I went home hoping that we would have a good night. It usually didn’t happen and as soon as he went to bed it was another day lost. Every morning was draining. Getting through another day at work just to get another chance was more than I could think about.
So I was choking back the tears this morning as I thought of where we are now. My level of happiness is dependent of how close we are. A part of me has always known that but maybe felt wrong acknowledging it. So instead of focusing all efforts on us I looked elsewhere. Not for another person but purpose in my life.
Once again I have to get through another day at work to spend an evening with him. It is easier though when the night before was so wonderful. I get enough to recharge and make it through the next day until I go home to him again.