For my Daddy the motivation in why he agreed to be my dominant is not because he must be right or that he enjoys getting his way or that he needs to have total compliance by me. He is doing this because I asked for it and he wants to please me and give me what I want. To me this seems somewhat counterintuitive to what a Dom should be. Is it though?
He is just not the type of person that thrives on control. That is not what he gets from this.
I need to feel the structure and the guidance from him. I love the feeling of safety knowing he is in control brings me. I have the strong need to do things for him that show my appreciation. These things give me his attention that I so desperately long for. Through this I am getting what I want and need and that makes me feel more confident, secure and loved. He sees that what he is doing is making me happy and he has met his desire to please me.
This circle feeds us both and we thrive on the strengthened emotional bond between us. This connection is what he has said he does not want to give up or lose. Does he NEED to dominate me? No but Yes. He doesn’t directly need the dominance. He needs the connection that is a result of the dominance.
He doesn’t need my compliance for his own desires and doesn’t have a vision of an ideal submissive. His goal is to give me the structure and environment I need to thrive. In order to give me that I must willingly submit. My submission feeds his ability to dominant me in the way he feels comfortable. I asked for this and he feels there should be no reason for him to have to fight me to give it. He doesn’t set a lot of rules or tasks I have to follow, he isn’t strict and he does not see the benefit of punishment.
I understand all of that and I agree. That is not to say that there isn’t a part of me that also wants to know that he can stand up to me when I am not in the right frame of mind. I am asking for rules and structure in some cases because I don’t feel like I can do it on my own. Doing things because he requires them gives me a sense of purpose and security and so when I feel like I’m just doing it on my own it can feel very defeating.
Now he has given input into areas that I did not expect him to. He has goals and desires that I did not foresee. He is just more laid back about the input he gives.
Are his motives counterintuitive? Maybe then again I might just be making unfair assumptions and generalizations. I compare and don’t feel we fit the “norm”. Whatever his motivation for saying yes it seems to be working for us. That is all that matters. That and this ridiculous grin on my face.