Giving a “Vanilla” Description

My sis-in-law are close and we email each other a lot because she lives pretty far away. Yesterday she asked in an email if things were “good” with Daddy and I. I laughed and was grinning from ear to ear. It was an email so she didn’t see that. There was so much I wanted to say but I ended up responding with “We are very good. :D”.

She said that gave her comfort. I was feeling playful and I like to weird her out by hinting at our sex life so I responded with “I mean you don’t want like ALL the details do you? ;)”

I figured she would say ewwwww and NO TMI! Well she didn’t. 

“What do you think caused the change?

When did you turn over a leaf and why?

You use to get just as frustrated with him as I do with hubby …curious how you got over and moved onward with your relationship

(looking for direction)”

WOW it floored me. These were direct questions with emotion behind them and they were from her. My normal means of directing away serious questions with humor or sarcasm wasn’t appropriate. I know he doesn’t want this out though and I don’t really want to tell her. Then again do I? It was the first time I really felt like I was hiding.

I have never tried to explain this to anyone “in real life” even in a vague vanilla sense.

A chat friend encouraged me that I could explain it vanilla and to ask Daddy just how much I could say. 

So last night I read him our emails and then read him the response I had written for his approval. He agreed to my response and said if she probed further to tell her it was a discussion for over the phone. He did warn that he didn’t think she would be able to handle it. 

I think he is right and at this time I will try to keep it generalized. Having him tell me exactly how to handle it was so awesome. 🌟

My response to her: 

“It’s probably been most of the year. Maybe it’s a 40 thing. Lots of deep reflection going on. 

I have stopped questioning him all of the time and look to him to make more decisions. We spend more time together and are doing a lot of talking and communicating our needs to each other. Dropping the little things and showing him more respect. I am also doing things specifically with pleasing him in mind. It has brought us both closer than we have ever been.”

She asked if he was nervous with my changes and if he had improved. She also said it sounded like I was doing all of the hard work. lol I told her he was more cautious than nervous and he had changed as well. I told her I didn’t want to end up like either of our mothers. Controlling and alone. Neither appeals to me. 

She agreed said she was impressed and teased that I must have been on Dr. Phil.

That was the end of her questions for now. I got to practice my serious vanilla response but I presume I will mostly fall back on insinuating it is our hot sex life when asked why we are different. There are few people I am ready to be real with. It did feel good though. 


14 thoughts on “Giving a “Vanilla” Description

      • To me open and honest means saying and spilling EVERYTHING, good, great, awesome, bad, ugly, and worse. It’s not easy, but it’s alot more freeing, leading to closer, deeper connections, emotionally, physically and spiritually. That’s a level that people have to work extremely hard to achieve. And it is hard. Even if you think the other may become upset, the important thing falls back to communication. Without that, what’s the point?

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