Crying

  

I am happier than I recall ever being and yet I am also crying a lot lately. Every little hiccup has me in tears. I saw this today in my tumblr feed – who knew there was more than porn there. 😉 It totally makes sense for me. Instead of disguising my pain with anger I am showing it in tears.

Although I still don’t feel comfortable displaying it. Last night when I got my feelings hurt I went and sat on the edge of the bed. I really wanted to crouch down between the bed and the dresser and hide. I didn’t because I knew that would upset Daddy. I know why I want to hide. I can recall hearing as a child “If you are going to cry go somewhere else. I don’t want to see you.” That is why I usually hide in the bathroom. I don’t want to be alone. I want him to come hold me but my instinct is to go somewhere else where I can’t be seen. He did hold me last night. We are both learning. 

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12 thoughts on “Crying

  1. Oh love. I never cried as a child – I was always to afraid too. not because of anything horrid, but just because I was always afraid.

    you are such a dear dear treasure – I wonder … do you see that x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wasn’t allowed to cry as a child either. I heard the same thing as you, and even “would you like me to give you something to cry for?” To cry in front of the brothers would bring instant criticism and name calling. I learned to stuff it all, keep a stiff upper lip, never let them see you weak, and all that. It is so unhealthy not to have our feelings and hurts acknowledged and given the help to work through them as children.
    Big hugs to you and your break through. Letting others in, even our significant others, can be a very difficult. I am so happy that he met you there.
    We are all learning. 🙂

    Like

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