I am happier than I recall ever being and yet I am also crying a lot lately. Every little hiccup has me in tears. I saw this today in my tumblr feed – who knew there was more than porn there. 😉 It totally makes sense for me. Instead of disguising my pain with anger I am showing it in tears.
Although I still don’t feel comfortable displaying it. Last night when I got my feelings hurt I went and sat on the edge of the bed. I really wanted to crouch down between the bed and the dresser and hide. I didn’t because I knew that would upset Daddy. I know why I want to hide. I can recall hearing as a child “If you are going to cry go somewhere else. I don’t want to see you.” That is why I usually hide in the bathroom. I don’t want to be alone. I want him to come hold me but my instinct is to go somewhere else where I can’t be seen. He did hold me last night. We are both learning.