What is your vision of D/s and BDSM? Tumblr, reading erotica and even some websites will have you believe it has a certain image. A designer image of perfection and wealth. Carefully crafted scenes are carried out to perfection by the Dom on the gorgeous submissive. With all of my research being online I know that is the image I believed. Well I got news for you I don’t fall in to that category AT ALL. Which made me struggle.

Thing is I know most everyone doesn’t fall in to that category. The more I dug deeper and found other sources the more I realized how faked that image is. I haven’t made connections in the local scene but I do read and listen to podcasts of people that are connected. I can see that they don’t match the fake image I have been led to believe. They are REAL people. They have to go to work every day and juggle home and family life while sometimes struggling to get any playtime in.

Tumblr is awesome the images are HOT but it’s not REAL. I’m sure most are paid models. Don’t worry that you don’t look like them. Yeah it’s silly but I did for a time. However when my frenzy calmed down I realized that there is no need to strive for perfection. I’m not putting on a show. Yes I want to look good for him. I want to be everything he desires. I know deep down that he desires one thing ME. He loves me and wants me to be healthy and comfortable in my own skin. Confidence is sexier than skinny and large perky breasts. He wants to see what is his. Covering and hiding my body doesn’t allow him to take in all he desires. The ONLY thing that matters is what he thinks.

I don’t need to portray an image to him or anyone else. What we have is real. The “image” that others see and are amazed by is the energy between us. That energy doesn’t come from my looks, his looks or anything we can purchase.

I’m new to all of this and I came late in the FSOG rage. Just before the movie came out to be exact. So I don’t know if D/s and BDSM had this image attached beforehand or if FSOG made this image an easy sell.

I guess it goes back to my post about finding support. If you don’t feel you fit the “image” look elsewhere. D/s is not for the elite or the perfect. If you find someone telling you otherwise they are just trying to cash in.


17 thoughts on “Image

  1. Sorry…hit send too soon. We have attended a few things and the real bdsm community doesn’t even remotely resemble FSOG. That book is fiction. It should have a huge ‘fiction’ label on the front to keep people from falling into that trap. -belle

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Well I’m on Tumblr, but no, I’m not one of the gorgeous people with a trust fund, private plane, yacht, designer wardrobe, servant to attend my every whim. And my tumblr page reflects the fact that I live in the real world.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh my lovely – I so agree with you … but … the thing I take out of all those pretty pictures of pretty people … is the portrayal of deep love and emense gentleness amongst the wicked pain and bebauchy …

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Well said princess. We all want to look our best, but what really matters is that we’re real and genuine and honest with ourselves in an our D/s or BDSM relationships. I love the part where you said “pleasing him is all that matters.” Yes, that is everything! 🙏🏼

    Liked by 2 people

  5. If you’re interested in an account of real married D/ s and how it grew for one real couple, check out “Learning Joy” on Amazon. That and a book of poetry inspired by the same relationship “In the Loving Gardener’s Grip” are available there.

    Liked by 1 person

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