I don’t always speak up when something I say could be controversial or just in disagreement with another. OK I rarely speak up.
Facebook is no exception to that even though I find interacting online easier than face to face. I’m trying to drop that and post what I want when I feel it.
Today I was presented with an opportunity. A friend posted the link to the article below and commented that it sounded like a 50’s housewife.
I really wanted to say something. So I commented back “I think the author has a point it’s those little things that really are huge.”
It’s not big but it’s stepping out of my comfort zone. Just maybe she will look at the article a little differently. It really was about how we need to treat our spouses like they are the most important thing to us.
We are away for a weekend tournament Daddy is coaching. I am doing my best to meet his needs and be supportive. I am not dwelling on the fact his attention isn’t with me, there is no alone time and our nightly ritual is on hold.
I am fetching ice, making his coffee, filling his water bottle as the game ends and giving back massages before he naps. I am asking what’s next in a completely what do you need me to do manner and just going with his flow. I am biting my tongue and not complaining – ok except about the no hot water in the shower I mean seriously! I did bite the bullet and get the shower and didn’t bother him anymore other than to tell that I did mention it to the desk. 😉
The games have not been going our way and he is frustrated. I am being, I hope, calming and attentive. I am listening to his frustrations and reassuring him that he is doing a good job. He tries to discredit that by saying I have no clue about basketball and coaching. That may be the case but I know that he is pushing his comfort zone in defending his team against crappy calls.
This weekend may not be going as he had hoped but I want him to look back and know that I had his back and I did not bring any more stress into the situation but helped to manage it.
DB the car monkey is prepared to defend his home should that be necessary.
He is also prepared in case someone leaves him some yummy white cheddar macaroni and cheese.
“Get your mind out of the gutter.” – kid
“My mind in the gutter?” as I take a swig from my purple penis straw.
“Your mind is permantely shoved in the gutter.” – kid
I read a great blog post from the author of Different Loving and Different Loving Too. I know I have heard of the first and now I will have to check out the reviews. Link at page bottom.
“I think when naive newbies say “I want to devote my life to X BDSM role” the only moral advice to give them is that fantasies have to be tested by reality before anyone can make a life decision like that. BDSM is a process.” – Dr. Gloria Brame
“The biggest obstacle to BDSM relationship happiness is the tendency to “play act” to the point of dishonesty, and trying to create relationships in the image of books, movies, or the preaching of people on the internet. It leads to ugliness and hurt. Radical self-honesty is the only way to break with this.” – slave feyrie
I am not single looking to get into the scene and find a partner so a lot of information out there doesn’t exactly fit my situation. This is core advice though.
When applying D/s to your existing relationship fantasy, comparison and expecting a radical change in the look of your life are completely unrealistic. Trying to act a certain way to fit the role won’t last for long. Listening to someone else’s prescribed way of achieving the life can end in disaster. One must look hard to see if it really fits them. Do not get all your information from one source. I need a myriad of ideas to choose from. Try some out and keep the ones that work for the both of you. Constant evaluation of how it fits will keep you from getting stuck. Hell you may even find you are in the wrong roles and need to flip them.
Almost a year later what we have is a different relationship. It is fulfilling needs we couldn’t even express before. Much to my dismay it has taken time to get here. lol No I realize that lasting change is achieved slowly a little at a time. If you started with the grand finale it would be done in an instant. What works best is a consistent unveiling of all that there is to experience.
Please read the entire blog post. http://gloriabrame.com/bdsm-is-a-process/
I think it is going to look different for everyone but I think if you are already married or in an established relationship it isn’t going to look a lot different than before. It’s not a fairy tale. We still have jobs and family and obligations that don’t allow us to live completely centered on the D/s at all times.
Our kids may notice I am more attentive to him. At night I am spending more time with him before he goes to bed. There was a very odd look given the other day when I got him out a tray and brought his food to him. We may get more groans and “get a room” comments around our extended family as we are even more affectionate. We are still us just closer.
The real difference is on the inside. I have always loved this man but our connection is deeper. I feel it like a current running between us. He occupies most of my conscious thoughts. I want to please him. I feel more at peace. I am more me. I am his mind body and soul 24/7.