I’m stuck with something that I am determined to get past. This journey has been very much about figuring out who I am and why I react the way I do. So forgive me as I write it out maybe again. 😉

I still haven’t figured out how I can be envious of something I don’t want. It sounds really stupid. I can be tore up about not participating in something I know I would hate if I had to go. WTF?!? I think I am envious of the concept but not the details. The who (aside from 1) and the what of the details would put me so far out of my comfort level I would be sick. So why does it occupy my thoughts? I know I have issues with feeling left out but it’s not something that I would have fun at. I believe part of me is upset with myself that I wouldn’t enjoy it. Like “normal” people would have a good time and I wouldn’t fit in. Probably it there – the desire to fit in. I know I wouldn’t and that upsets me. 

G – I hope it was everything you dreamed. Your excitement could be felt all of the way over here. 


13 thoughts on “Envy?!?

  1. I totally get feeling envious of something you don’t even really want. I also really get the wanting to fit in/being left out thing!
    I’m shy, introverted, odd… I’ve always kinda felt on the fringe my whole life. I’m not good at letting people in (lol… turned out badly that time I did!), so I’m not ever ‘in’ when the fun rolls around – even though it probably wouldn’t be fun for me. Maybe I just like the idea of being included/being a bit different than I actually am.
    Wow. You really got me thinking! I just meant to say – I feel this post!! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    • I’m glad someone can relate.
      I’d really rather be wrapped in his arms with all his attention but sometimes you also wanna feel like a part of something.
      Probably an issue with needing to accept myself and the way I am. 💗

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I completely understand how you feel. I am also shy and an introvert, so the something you are talking about would make me feel extremely uncomfortable but part of me wishes that I had the confidence to go. However, I also think that someone is living their fantasy out using others and that some might be going along so they feel like they are part of the “in crowd” or their other half wants them to participate.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes I think so too. I think fun is contagious and we want it too even when it really isn’t our kind of fun.
      Even extroverts can be insecure. They have a different way of dealing that we don’t often recognize.


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