Sex also plays a big part of that connecting but I think the goal gets lost sometimes in trying to recreate the physical acts that I read about or see on tumblr. Fantasy is hot and when your partner wants to make your fantasies come true even hotter IF it leaves you both with a feeling of furthered intimacy. If it brings about bad feelings in either one of you then you aren’t achieving that goal.
I would like to see more talk about how our play affected the intimacy between us rather than the orgasm it brought about. I know you can have intimacy without the orgasm but we don’t often talk about that. There are activities out there that on simple description doesn’t sound like anything I would ever want to do but when someone is good at sharing the level of intimacy that play brings them I can appreciate that.
I think that is why I get caught up in trying what others are doing. I assume that I can achieve the same level of intimacy with the act. Truth is it may not effect me in the same way or may be something out of his comfort level thereby negating any chance of him having the same feelings. I may be wrong in assuming that others actions have the same goal. Maybe intimacy isn’t what they are striving for.
We have to do what feels right for us as a couple.