In January I picked my focus for the year – Growth.
I have seen a lot of growth lately and there were several examples this weekend.
We were talking and he said something that hurt my feelings to the point I started crying immediately. In the past he might have been exasperated and defensive but he sincerely apologized and did his best to comfort me as we were driving. Not only did I not hold a grudge as I would have before but I also took it for what it was. He was “joking” about my melt down over wanting more than a quickie. It hurts and confuses him and is something I must try harder at preventing.
When the kids unexpectedly left the house for a few hours he made the most of it with an impromptu play session. It has not always been easy for him to change gears and seize the moment. While I did not get to test my ability to follow through with it, initially I was determined to be ok if he did not take the opportunity while we had it.
We hosted a graduation party at our house this weekend and we worked very well together. I tried to communicate what I needed instead of throwing a hissy fit that things weren’t getting done. I usually behave like my mother and bark and yell at everyone. At one point I went to him on my knees just to vent about the kid that was creating more work than help. I asked if I could send her out with the youngest just to alleviate my stress. I wanted him to know I was not blowing up at him but just wanting to vent.
It was a great weekend. I think maybe this “empty nest” thing is just a mirage but I’m really hoping it comes true someday.
they are not made for.
What’s under your jeans? 😉
I asked Daddy the other night, maybe maybe not in the middle of the hockey game, if we could get some Viagra. I got a weird look. I’m not sure if he was offended, confused or annoyed. I think it was a mixture. Hey I can’t wait for the playoffs to be over! Oh damn should have waited a game.
Anyway he said “Why?” “For the squirrels.” Again what’s with the weird look. “I thought we could give it to the squirrels because I promised #extremesquirrelporn and I’ve got nothing. They are making me look bad!” Blank stare followed by “No”. “Do you think we could get them to take it? Maybe smash it up and put it in the water.” BIG babygirl grin. “No I don’t think so.” shakes head.
The need for single packs.
When he said that I assumed it was a coloring assignment. “Write me a fantasy. Not one where we are in the jungle swinging from trees. One that is doable.” He had to have seen the kid watching Tarzan. 😆
OMG I’m at a loss! Where do I go with this? Like a kid in the candy store I don’t know where to begin. We are sending the kids away for the weekend in a couple weeks. So I assume he’s looking for ideas.
Damn!! Too many options.
69 Shades of Crimson — An Anti-Primer of Dominance & Submission by TylerRose
So many gems in this book that I am having a hard time not quoting the whole damn thing.
If you are really experienced and not struggling maybe you will want to pass on it. If you are researching this before you decide to jump in READ IT. If you sometimes struggle READ IT. It was under $2 on kindle. Worth it!
It goes over a lot of the pitfalls to an online “education” in D/s and BDSM. She warns those already in committed relationships about throwing it all away because you have discovered your submissive self. She doesn’t sugar coat and she tells it like it is. She also has a good tutorial on clothespin play if you are wanting to try that out.
These are a few quotes I highlighted. You may read and think “Duh” but I found them thought provoking. I can still find ways in which I don’t realize I am leading or I’m just not letting go. It is not my intention or desire to have him as a service top where there is just the illusion of his control. I’ve been told many times if I didn’t like something to talk to him and he should fix it. Communication Yes absolutely but my constant satisfaction Nope not the way it goes. Big sigh of realization. I NEED this shit. I WANT to be knocked upside the head. It will bring me closer to where I want to be.
“If you do not submit, you’re not a submissive. In order to be a submissive, you have to shut up about what you want and do what the dom wants.”
“That’s when it becomes submission – when you do what someone else wants, whether you want to or not, whether you like it or not.”
“At whose convenience is your submission?”
“Do you want a service top who will do what you want or do you want a Dominant?”
I also liked these. Remember more than one resource!
“The student who does not like what is taught in one school leaves and finds another more suited to his personality, outlook and goals. Or starts a new school to teach his own Way.”
“Find those who have a philosophy similar to your own. Find those who make the most sense to you. These are your mentors and teachers.”
*special thanks to WWA for the recomendation. Love that she thought “I know who needs to read this.” 😜
We are all getting ready for graduation and it’s four women and two bathrooms, well there is one downstairs but you know women like to congregate. So the oldest walks into my bathroom and I hear “What’s that? Oh Why do you charge your vibrator in the bathroom?” Would you rather I charge it in the kitchen? I really do need to do a sweep before the party here. 😉 Later I hear her tell the other “I touched it.” “Don’t touch my vibrator!” “I wanted to see how many speeds it has.” “Don’t touch it!” This kid has no ewww factor.
Just last week as we were moving her she says “Oh crap I don’t know where my vibrator is.” It was a few days before she found it and she was a little stressed it fell out in her fiance’s best friends car. That would have been a story for the wedding and would have exempted him from any of their future moves. lmao
I was telling the moving story in a chat and someone else said they had found their college kids vibrator and was really weirded out by it. I said “It’s sex. It’s all normal. Right?” I mean we are here talking about our sex lives and how it may not be mainstream. So we aren’t weirded out by sex are we??? She was like “Yeah but not your kids or your parents.” I don’t want to see them do it but knowing that they are sexual is no big deal to me.
We can’t preach acceptance and freak out over our children engaging in that as well. When we were young Daddy and I decided we were going to have a sex room for our teens. Yeah we were young and stupid. Daddy cringes when I remind him of that. 😉 We don’t do that but especially with the second we have been more relaxed. She is over 18 and her boyfriend stays the night in her bed and she stays the night at his house. I’m not totally sure the arrangements there.
I am sure this disturbs some people but we are creatures with sexual urges. That extends to our children as well. Just as we don’t want to feel we have to hide who we are neither do they.
She had many options and this is what she went with for her cap.
She’s my little twin and I am going to miss her.