“What if you said no?”

We went to dinner with one kid in tow. I had hoped we were going out alone. It was a noisy “family” restaurant with 1,945 televisions. I counted. We were sat at a square table which means no booth snuggling. The a/c was on high enough for a polar bear. My chicken was breaded with salt. blech I was not succeeding in keeping the Bitch at bay. I was fighting the tears. I did eventually pull my chair around the corner so I could be closer to him and he could lay his hand on my leg. I just needed his touch. That alone is so soothing. I don’t know why but hand holding doesn’t cut it.

When we got home I was hoping he would tell me to put my pj’s on but instead he said “Go get things ready for a bath.” I did so and I wasn’t sure if he was coming in or not because he doesn’t like to take baths. He did, though, and he held me and washed me.

I asked him if this part was easy for him meaning telling me to go get a bath ready and surprisingly he said “No. I was worried. What if you said no?”. He said he had tried a few things over the last couple days to pull me out of this and they didn’t work.

So this still isn’t easy for him and I bet the times it is the hardest is when I am in a pissed off funk. That is when I want him to go against his nature and push me. He has improved a lot so time will tell just how far he can stretch that ability. Once again I have to remember that he is growing too.

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13 thoughts on ““What if you said no?”

  1. I could have written this several times over. Sometimes when I feel the funk building inside me Sir pushing me in a different direction is exactly what I need to keep it from bubbling over. I have said ‘no’ before. Thankfully he has mastered the ability to pull me back, even at my worst. Best wishes to you! -belle

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You know Princess, I love this post.
    So many things to love about it.
    I love that you manage to relate the whole story with that much humour (I would have given up on counting TVs much sooner than you 😉 ).
    I love that he surprised you. I love that you allowed yourself to be surprised.
    I love that he feels OK being vulnerable with you, telling you he doesn’t have it all figured out, but he’s trying.
    Basically, I love the LOVE that is pouring from this post.
    XO

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The part about wondering if you would comply is what my daddy has said about me. The gentle daddies need our submission to make them stronger dominants. When I comply, he feels his authority grow. Good job being his encouragement when you were struggling. That’s the heart of D/s.

    Liked by 4 people

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