Dear Newly Submissive Married Woman,

This is an awesome post from The Submission of Elle that I have referred back to a few times. I read this fairly early on and there are so many lessons in this one writing. I admit they did not all sink in at the time. I had to do the journey before I realized these truths. If you’ve never read it please do and if you have read it again because you can get more out of it depending on where you are at on your path.

I understood the word of caution, though I still had to learn my lesson the hard way. I was dismissed as not really being D/s and that made me determined to try harder to prove myself. It was a fruitless effort and I did not need to prove it to anyone outside of my relationship.

D/s isn’t about kinky sex and five hours scenes you have rehearsed to “get it right”. It is the style of relationship you have chosen. It is the exchange of power that happens between the two of you. For me it is that emotional connection that I find when living as his.

I get so fed up with the term vanilla. I think that is because I’ve heard it mocked and used as something you never want to be. It is just life people! Quit screaming Ewww vanilla or the condescending Oh it was just vanilla sex.

Sexuality can be fluid. Just as your limits list can change so can the roles you enjoy. They may strongly lean toward one side but every once in awhile you like to experience something else. He may on occasion totally get off on having you take control or be sexual agressive for the evening. You can do that and still be his submissive. If he wants you to do it you are still following orders. Hell if you get off on it that is cool too. Enjoy experiment and dont freak the fuck out that you are falling out of role.

If my Daddy does not want to do physical punishment that is ok. It’s his right. I may think that is what is needed to hold me accountable but you know what he has limits too.

Please always have more than one source and keep your mind open.

The Submission of Elle

We need to talk; girl to girl, wife to wife, sub to sub. I have so much I need to tell you and you’ve been on my mind for a while. You deserve to hear the unadulterated truth about this new world you’ve chosen to pursue. It’s not as easy as being handed a key by your husband and unlocking a jewelry box filled with priceless gems. The overwhelming majority of you will have to carefully and strategically ease open this particular oyster that both you and your husband dug for together in order to acquire the precious pearl and you’ll have to use specific tools and techniques. Some of you may even open your own personal Pandora’s Box. Epimetheus insisted that his wife, Pandora, obey the letter of the label. Epimetheus left for a few hours, but Pandora’s gift of curiosity took over. The box was entrusted to them by Zeus, but she felt Zeus was wrong…

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4 thoughts on “Dear Newly Submissive Married Woman,

  1. Wow! I read Elle’s blog and have not seen this post. Thank you for posting this. Honestly, I had a hard time suppressing the laugh at her final paragraph. Oh how very true. It is ridiculous, really, some
    of the sites out that that pander to and manipulate those new to the lifestyle, knowing that new Doms /subs are eager for information. Some people feel like they have a trademark on bdsm because they read fiction erotica. Thanks again. This is a great repost! -belle

    Liked by 1 person

    • Gathering together, trading knowledge and helping each other is a wonderful thing. It is not so great when the information is very controlled and you are not allowed to give a different opinion. I think that fed into my frenzied state and nearly crushed me at times.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, I agree. Starting our blog and finding and reading other blogs opened a new world for me, helping me express myself as well as understanding what REAL D/s dynamics look like during the good and bad times. It took me discovering the blogging world to really realize that each dynamic is unique and there is no rule book for D/s, married or not. Only you and your partner in the dynamic know what you each need and that should be what you seek to fulfill. No one else’s yardstick for my relationship matters. It took me longer than it should have to figure that out… -belle

        Liked by 1 person

      • Same here. I actually found a lot of bloggers including Elle by old comment links. 😉 Those linked me to others and I found some that matched our style more. Seeing how everyone really supported each other made me make the leap to sharing my story. Best thing I did.

        Liked by 1 person

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