I am so ever fucking grateful that Daddy and I have been able to re-write our “bad tapes” as John and Kayla call it. We have been together twenty-three years and are both making huge progress in changing the way we interact with one another.

He has always been the one and I thought I put him first in everything I did but I know now that I truly did not. I’m not afraid to admit that. I did not realize how MY actions kept us from the intimacy that I truly desired.

Turning to D/s made me think before acting. It gave me guidelines and made it unacceptable to react to him in the way I had previously. It also made me take an effort to look at how and why I reacted the way I did. I reached out and sought help from others. Other than a few times with professional counseling I haven’t spoken to anyone in depth about our marriage or relationship. This last year has done WAY more than the professional counseling ever did.

Those things were not done because he said so. It was work done by me. I have had to become the submissive to encourage his dominance. I had to prove I wanted and would follow his lead. It’s still a work in progress. I know I will falter but I also know I can do it.

“Such a beautiful surrender.” – control by mutemath


9 thoughts on “Re-writing

  1. dearest Most lovely one… my time with Mr F is so short … but what struck a real cord was … ‘I had to prove …” …. and not because I had to but because I long for His dominance …to bring out His dominance. I felt it and saw it but never realised truely until a few years ago. it is a long sometimes really hard path … sometimes my own patience through submission is tested so badly (last few days) , but I know in my heart … that is is right and that He is and will always be my Lord a d Master. you inspire and encourage me – thank you dearest friend x –

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Beautiful post. You get it… and I enjoyed reading this post. Personally, I think the struggle is one of the most beautiful parts of D/s. When I hear people call submission a gift…. the struggle is what I see the actual gift as being… the desire to continually try to be the best that we can be… to continually show love and respect to our partners, and to ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

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