Ding

I want to give you everything you ask for.
This is not an easy one.
I now know just how much you worry about me.
When I think of it I get too emotional and I shut it out again.
If I can trust you like this why can’t trust in this.
You said I am more all or nothing than I realize and you are right.
I’m either in or I’m not.
If I can pick out the nonsense can I believe?
I didn’t care and now I do.
It pains me to know you think like that.
So I shut it out.
I’m logical and that doesn’t feel logical.
Can you do this?
Can you change me?
NO You cannot.
Like all of this there is no force.
Just your damn patience.
You wait until I want to change.
The want the desire has to be all mine.
Maybe I do already.
Maybe it’s all in the details.
I don’t want to open this discussion with you.
I couldn’t bear to get your hopes up.
My heart aches.
I feel like I’m racing a timer and I don’t know when it will go off.

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