My tag line says a journey into D/s but more than anything this has been a journey about personal growth. Exploring why I am the way I am and learning to change what I don’t like. Once again I’ve been presented with a means of looking at my own insecurities and a choice in handling it. You know what? It is not fucking easy! Growth better watch it or it will become the new “P word”.
I’ve been dwelling over the likelihood that I have lost a friend. I waited for her to come to me. After weeks I made a general FB post that if she saw she would know was for her. Not even a like, though there is the possibility she didn’t see it. So I sent a little message just a comment on what she was doing. I was testing the waters without addressing the issue. I have had no response.
Yesterday I realized that I am looking at this from my perspective only. If I push my hurt aside I can see that I have put her in a bad position. I am up against someone that will make her choose. There is no logical reason it should be me. I am one to the many. We have never met in person. They have. More people are involved than just her and I. I can accept it. It stings but I can wish her well and mean it.
I sent her one last message letting her know this. I was going to post it here and hope she read it. A way of avoiding it. No I have to be direct. I sent it via pm.
Now I move on knowing the choices I’ve made are my own just as hers are her own. I am wondering if I should remove her from my FB. For my own sake because it’s just a constant reminder.