Adopt a pug. Preferably right before a big day. Like for instance the day before your 15th wedding anniversary.
Prior to this make sure you have given said pug lots of treats so he has an already established an obsession connection with you.
On your anniversary take the day off to spend with pug Daddy. During that day stay close to home and only leave on trips that pug can accompany you on. The baby cannot be left alone.
Take dog to work everyday, buy him everything he looks at needs, talk obsessively about his adorableness. Snuggle with pug every evening and spend your nights falling asleep with him on the couch before dragging your ass to bed.
You know the plan is working when you overhear Daddy telling the pug as you leave the house “She’s gone for good. What did you do?” and when you see him giving the pug evil eyes.