1.5 Years Doing Whatever “This” Is

A year and a half ago we “formalized” this new chapter in our relationship. 

I ask him periodically what it is he likes about this. What does he find enjoyable. His response is always “the connection”. What he values most is the emotional attachment this has strengthened and it is his driving force in this. 

The other night when i melted down and asked “Is the D/s working for us” part of what was behind that was my struggle with the labels. Dom and sub come with a certain connotation that I don’t always feel fit us. 

What I got from his reaction was a bit of fear. Like he was afraid that I would try to take this away. I realized in that just how much he really does value “this”. It has given us the ability to maintain a level of emotional intimacy that we both have always desired. 

I love you Daddy ❤️  Thank you. 😘

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If You Follow They Will Lead

I texted Daddy that my legs were hurting. He asked if I had taken anything. “No” “Take some Aleve.” “Ok I did…. Still hurts.” Do you think he heard the whine through text? Lol “I need a bath.” He asked if I wanted it now or after dinner and I said after.

Dinner was late because of the kids game and by the time we were finishing it was only half an hour before his usual bedtime. So when he said to go take a bath I said I didn’t have time before he went to bed. I might have been whining again. “Go take a bath.” I would have said he was yelling no raising his voice but really he wasn’t doing either it was simply a stern command.

Honestly my first thought was something along the lines of how dare he. Lol I did not say anything I just shuffled off to the bathroom. There I grinned as I realized just how far we have come.

I have always interpreted stern and commanding with anger. Part of that is me and part of it is because in the past the only time he was stern or commanding was when he was angry. I’ve asked him to be more firm with me and make me accountable. That is only easy for him if I listen and don’t get my feelings hurt.

I have an awful habit of comparing. In this I have been most guilty of questioning whether he fit the Dom role. In many ways he doesn’t. I like the term leader. He is my leader and I will follow him anywhere.

P.S. Did you know that “S stands for support too”? A wise s type told me that AND she even spelled support right. 😉

That’s My Number

Skipped work today and got a whole lot more done than I would have there.

I designed the shower invitation for the kid. Now to print them and assemble them.

I went to some resale shops looking for teacups and hit the jackpot. We now have enough for 30 people.

Daddy was out at an away game with the kid (different kid) so I was on my own for dinner. The deli counter was crazy so I had to grab a number.

number.jpg

The young man called “69?” and I waved my arm proudly.  Here! Here!!

 

Live in Your Hands – Nepo

I have fallen out of the habit of reading everyday from this book. This morning I’m touching up my hair and I figured I’d read while I wait. Sometimes I just seem to read the right one and the right time.

Live in Your Hands – The Book of Awakening – Mark Nepo

To always analyze and problem solve and observe and criticize what we encounter turns our brains into heavy calluses. Rather than opening us deeper into the mystery of living, the overtrained intellect becomes a buffer from experience.

To live in our hands humbles our mind into accepting something other than itself. It is how we heal each other and ourselves. We all come alive through a Braille of heart.

Maybe I’m emotional today but this passage had me in tears. I know I spend way too much time analyzing and overanalyzing people’s actions and what they could mean by them. I need to just live. Accept and move on. I realized the other day someone unfriended me on facebook. I’m not horribly upset but I am very curious what it was that made her do it. It really doesn’t matter though. I am me no apologies.