Manipulative or a Lot to Learn?

I was asked how I undid my awful action of asking if D/s was working for us.  I umm asked him to fuck me. It sounds really manipulative but that was not the intention. What I thought I was doing was getting the evening back to it’s original intention.

 

It came up that day that we would have the house to ourselves for several hours that evening. I was definitely hoping we would use that to our advantage and delay going out to eat. I prepared myself over and over on the way home to be fine with whatever he had planned. If he wanted to go to dinner immediately it didn’t necessarily mean we wouldn’t come home and have some fun. So in mind there were only two options. I would get home and he would tell me to get ready to go out or he would let me know he had other plans.

 

When I got home I knelt in between his knees and said hi and snuggled against him. After “a while” I looked at him with anticipation and his response was “What?”. I became frustrated. I felt he wasn’t taking control. All totally crazy when I look back on it.

 

I fed the dog and he came in and asked if I could wait to eat. Of course I said Yes and he led me to the bedroom. He told me to show him what I wore for Sexy Friday. I undressed but I had already let my own confidence plummet so he knew something was wrong. I know that he knew and at that point I’m not sure if he modified his plans from there. He asked me to lie on the bed and then he spooned me.  This is where I fell apart crying.

 

At some point he got up and put in a MLP movie and had me come out to the living room but I refused to sit down and watch it. I didn’t want to be placated with a movie I wanted to talk about what was wrong. I felt he didn’t communicate with me enough and this was further proof.

 

We went back to the bed to “talk” where I unloaded how I didn’t feel he communicated. I said something about what i was expecting (ugh I know) when I got home and he told me if he only had two options he should have been informed. I really only thought there were two options. Sex or Sex Later  (ugh again I KNOW)   I told him how I didn’t understand the waiting, the silence, the lack of instruction. Even then in that moment when there was silence it tormented me. Were we going to go to dinner or something else? It is in this state that I seem to lose it. I can be ok when I know nothing is happening but it is in that waiting that I suppose I haven’t given up control. I see it as a failure of him to communicate. It seems to be a failure of my patience. At no point did I ask What should I be ready for.

 

At some point I asked that question and he got up and left the room for a bit. Whoops

He came back and we talked some more where he said he really did not understand how everything got so off track tonight. He held me and again there was that anticipation of what was next.

 

I said “Daddy will you please fuck me?” I really wanted him to and I had been crying and crazy so it was unlikely he was going to at that point. He granted that request and he was not gentle. It was fantastic.

 

After I was coherent again he said “What did you call me?”  “Daddy”  “That is right and do NOT forget that.”  He did not use manipulate but he basically said that I used that question unfairly. It was not my intention but I suppose that is what it is.
Every time I think I am seeing his faults I’m really just overlooking my own.

Advertisements

17 thoughts on “Manipulative or a Lot to Learn?

  1. Thank you for posting with your heart on your sleeve. Knowing a little bit about you and your Dom from a former life (site) I can relate to the situation you described. How nice it is to have the freeDom (TM?) to comment on a subs posts. Oh boy, can I relegate to this! If anything is going to crash the car it’s false expectation caused by poor communication. We’ve all done it in one form or another and probably more than once. Knowing that either of us are not perfect we now have a reset plan for when things go wrong, for they will go wrong in such a caring, support and very kinky relationship. Having a prescribed go to plan really helps recover from a blip.
    Thanks for being so open and honest.
    HL

    Liked by 2 people

    • lmao I think that TM may already be taken. Just don’t ask me to look it up. 😉
      It is nice to have the input from the other side.
      While we don’t have a reset plan per say the intimacy tied to this dynamic pushes us both to reconcile issues much quicker. Neither one of us wants to linger in this state.

      Like

    • It’s lovely to hear from the other side as Princess put it. I really missed that perspective there. Having a prescribed reset plan to go to is a wonderful idea, so basic but so often overlooked for that reason.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. ‘Every time I think I am seeing his faults I’m really just overlooking my own’. I am so guilty of this at times too and can relate to what you are saying. I am glad that you sorted things out by talking though and that you were able to save the evening together.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Tora, an old friend once told me something when I was in a similar tough spot. I will share with you. He said that we don’t stop being human when we discover we are submissive. We still have needs, wants and expectations. The only thing that changes is how we express and act on them. He asked me to go kneel in front of Sir and request what I wanted directly and respectfully but be ready to accept His decision even if it wasnt the one I sought. We have lots to learn, but we will get there. I’m rooting for you guys!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. This has happened many times in OUR relationship. We would txt during the day about “plans” however as the night progressed nothing would happen. I def had expectatiobs He was suppose to do something.. I prolly had it my mind what and how. oops. I expected Him to initiate. I didn’t really do anything to stir the fire. It is a lot of pressure sometimes on men to do it all..for us me initiating – dome kind of receptive signal- helped things progress more naturally. My naked body on the bed helped. Playfulness helped. It is very admirable that your Daddy spooned with you. Bonding. My lesson is to focus on myself and not on what I think he should do as a Dom…I live this post.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I would like Daddy to have a signal. I don’t know if I should initiate because sometimes he hurts too much. Then I will assume that he is not interested and when he is I can’t shift gears. That is where I get frustrated with his communication. I know that I blew it the other night though.
      Thanks 😊

      Like

      • Chemistry. I find it more effective than words. Do you wanna have sex verses putting your hands on your man and showing your desire … I look at initiating as giving my man the feeling of being desired. Taking his hand – giving him mine. Ahhhh. I am getting off point now.. You guys are awesome!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Relationships are living things. You are striving to feed and nurture yours. You may not always get it right but you are learning along the way and so is he. You had mistake, a bump in the road, and along with the rest of us this will be one of many. But please take time to recognize and celebrate your successes, the things that have changed for the better in your relationship and in you and your submission. I’m glad things turned out good in the end.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you for elaborating so candidly about this. I think we all can relate to those times when communication and expectations get crossed. I resonate with the efforts we use to self-correct, the risks we take to love and the vulnerability we experience when we have to readjust our notions. What a beautiful journey you’re on!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s