I was asked how I undid my awful action of asking if D/s was working for us. I umm asked him to fuck me. It sounds really manipulative but that was not the intention. What I thought I was doing was getting the evening back to it’s original intention.
It came up that day that we would have the house to ourselves for several hours that evening. I was definitely hoping we would use that to our advantage and delay going out to eat. I prepared myself over and over on the way home to be fine with whatever he had planned. If he wanted to go to dinner immediately it didn’t necessarily mean we wouldn’t come home and have some fun. So in mind there were only two options. I would get home and he would tell me to get ready to go out or he would let me know he had other plans.
When I got home I knelt in between his knees and said hi and snuggled against him. After “a while” I looked at him with anticipation and his response was “What?”. I became frustrated. I felt he wasn’t taking control. All totally crazy when I look back on it.
I fed the dog and he came in and asked if I could wait to eat. Of course I said Yes and he led me to the bedroom. He told me to show him what I wore for Sexy Friday. I undressed but I had already let my own confidence plummet so he knew something was wrong. I know that he knew and at that point I’m not sure if he modified his plans from there. He asked me to lie on the bed and then he spooned me. This is where I fell apart crying.
At some point he got up and put in a MLP movie and had me come out to the living room but I refused to sit down and watch it. I didn’t want to be placated with a movie I wanted to talk about what was wrong. I felt he didn’t communicate with me enough and this was further proof.
We went back to the bed to “talk” where I unloaded how I didn’t feel he communicated. I said something about what i was expecting (ugh I know) when I got home and he told me if he only had two options he should have been informed. I really only thought there were two options. Sex or Sex Later (ugh again I KNOW) I told him how I didn’t understand the waiting, the silence, the lack of instruction. Even then in that moment when there was silence it tormented me. Were we going to go to dinner or something else? It is in this state that I seem to lose it. I can be ok when I know nothing is happening but it is in that waiting that I suppose I haven’t given up control. I see it as a failure of him to communicate. It seems to be a failure of my patience. At no point did I ask What should I be ready for.
At some point I asked that question and he got up and left the room for a bit. Whoops
He came back and we talked some more where he said he really did not understand how everything got so off track tonight. He held me and again there was that anticipation of what was next.
I said “Daddy will you please fuck me?” I really wanted him to and I had been crying and crazy so it was unlikely he was going to at that point. He granted that request and he was not gentle. It was fantastic.
After I was coherent again he said “What did you call me?” “Daddy” “That is right and do NOT forget that.” He did not use manipulate but he basically said that I used that question unfairly. It was not my intention but I suppose that is what it is.
Every time I think I am seeing his faults I’m really just overlooking my own.