I’m not talking physical flexibility but flexibility in our dynamic. In the beginning I was hung up on the “roles”. When he wasn’t doing what I thought was part of his job as a Dominant I couldn’t handle it.
In a relationship particularly one with shared family responsibility the D and s roles have to be defined for each individual couple and flexibility is necessary. You will have to deal with life’s shit as it comes.
Married Dominant posted about taking on extra responsibilities while is sub was stressed and overworked. I’ve talked with others that are coping with how life outside has impacted their performance in their dynamic. When one person isn’t their usual self it affects the other and the dynamic can suffer or feel non-existent. When the Dom is the one feeling out of sorts I think as a submissive the tendency might be to pull away or shut down and wait. What we really need to do is go deeper in our submission.
When I didn’t think he was living up to his roles or expectations (i know bad word) I was often told Talk to him. Communication is absolutely essential but I think sometimes you need to step back and analyze the situation first. Is there an outside reason for the change? It might be that there are just one too many things going on at the same time and they are just not dealing well with it. That conversation will go much better if you acknowledge that they are handling an awful lot and you would like to serve them by taking something over for them. Offer a plan too so it is something they can approve and feel some weight lifted immediately.
There might not be anything you can do other than assure them of your love and respect and your patience while they sort things out. Continuing your submissive actions and offering extra actions will help to maintain their confidence when they might be struggling. Just know that it is likely a temporary situation and put your efforts into sustaining the bond you have.
We are going through this now. Yesterday I emailed him my craving post. I wanted him to be aware of what I was feeling before I had a melt down. Within in an hour we get an email about the kid not turning in assignments which has been an ongoing issue. We just had a meeting with another teacher last week so despite her vows to do better it isn’t happening. I know I felt defeated by that email so I am sure he did too. It was a very bad day for him he had something from me, the kids, work and even an issue with the team he coaches. Despite all this he came home and went to yoga with me because he knew I was looking forward to it. We got to class and sat down and when I looked at him I saw how defeated he was.
So I must control myself and take something off his plate. I need to devise a plan to get this kid to give a crap about her grades. I hate micromanaging and I am not great with my own structure or routine but I have to step up and take care of this. At least for the time being. I think he doesn’t know where to start and if I get the ball rolling then it may ease some of his worries. I will present it to him and he has veto power but I feel he will appreciate it.
I love when he’s in control and I can just go with the flow but everyone gets overwhelmed at times. I don’t think it’s wrong to step up and say can I offer a plan or can I take this from you right now to lighten your load.