We are not all born confident individuals. Some of us struggle our whole lives with it. Men are no exception and those we have asked to lead us are certainly not immune.
I think that for some confidence might be a large part of the attraction to this dynamic. The strong confident Dom figure is a turn on. Maybe your man displayed that kind of confidence in the beginning of your relationship but lately it has diminished. Possibly he has never had that self-assurance.
Many of us have brought this idea to our husbands and asked them to lead us. Some respond with an immediate yes. They love us and aim to please. Others may not be so keen on the idea due to their confidence issues. They may not think themselves able or worthy.
The one whose husband agrees right away is elated and probably takes off in the ideas of how the relationship will go. She expects him to take over and be in control. Just like that. Except expectations ALWAYS get in the way. She is expecting that he will suddenly be transformed into that strong confident Dom. Confidence isn’t a switch we just turn on. If only it were that easy. No it’s something you have to build.
Those with the husband that is reluctant to jump on the band wagon may struggle not understanding why their normally loving giving husband doesn’t want this opportunity. I mean it is a magnificent gift right? 😉 If you already have good strong communication between you then maybe he will open up and talk to you. If he does and you truly listen you might hear him say that he doesn’t think he can or that he isn’t worthy. He is struggling with his self-esteem.
Either instance calls for you to step in and help build him up. He will not gain the confidence he needs to lead you if you do not show him that you believe he can. Actions usually speak louder than words so demonstrate.
Compliment him and thank him with sincerity. Be specific and let him know how his actions make you feel. Ask for his input on things that you may normally take care of yourself but be prepared to follow through with his decisions. If he struggles with confidence to begin with then he isn’t going to fight you to submit. Undermining his attempts will only make him withdrawal. If you want to be led then let him lead.
Whether it results in a d/s relationship or not these things should help to boost his confidence and benefit your relationship. Also remember it is not a one time fix. Those of us that struggle have ups and downs. Sometimes you have to cheer louder than others.
It’s been three weeks since the wedding and I really haven’t wrote about it. Just last night I asked Daddy a question about that night. His answer summed up how I felt too. Overall pride and joy over the family we have created and continues to expand.
The bride was as cool as a cucumber. It really surprised me that it was I who was a total nervous mess that day and not her. I was overwhelmed with too many people while getting ready. I threw a total hissy when they were telling us it was time to walk down the aisle and I had not gotten a moment alone with her. Then I told her I had the car keys and the two of us could run away together. Lmao She was just so chill.
Daddy and I walked her down the aisle together. Son-in-law was supposed to shake Daddy’s hand and instead gave Daddy a huge hug.
The other two girls both served as maids of honor. The older got up early and made sure everyone had breakfast. She served as chauffeur to the wedding party during pictures and transported her younger sister and the wedding gifts home so we could spend the night at the hotel. The younger ran errands for the bride and helped get guests out on the dance floor.
Normally it takes a few drinks to get me out on the dance floor for more than a slow song. Not that night. I am pretty certain I got some strange looks and many thought I was drunk. Nope I can grind with my girls stone cold sober. Daddy was watching me and I couldn’t care what anyone thought. After his mother stole the last slow dance Daddy came out for the last few fast songs. Our kids are good sports. Lol
The Father Daughter dance was beautiful. My daughters could not have a better example.
Our song came on and I pulled him to the dance floor. I could not get out there fast enough. Drift off to Dream became our song when he played it for me after a couple of dates. He has sung it to me so many times in so many different places. All of those times flashed through my mind as I sang it to him as loud as I could over the speakers. Tears streamed down both our faces as we sang to each other. Getting this moment at our daughters wedding was emotionally overwhelming. I was so thankful for what we had created. Blessed to still be with him to enjoy it together. Just so fucking lucky.
Last night I finally asked Daddy why he was crying during that song. He said he was overwhelmed with thoughts about our past and love for the son-in-law and pride for our family.
Thank you Daddy for all you have given me.
If you haven’t listened to the Loving BDSM podcast I totally recommend it. I identified with it so much today that I really wanted Daddy to hear it. So I texted him and asked if we could go out tonight or tomorrow morning. I told him I was thinking coffee and sit in the car and listen to a part of the podcast.
We did that tonight. After listening we talked about it and other stuff and ended up on my stress over the current situation in the country. It was a good talk. I was emotional as I can’t seem to hide that anymore. At one point I told him that it’s hard now that I don’t just behind anger all the time.
Then tears in my eyes, leaning against his shoulder I had a sudden realization “Oh I have gummy fish in my underwear drawer!”
It was a good night.
Scent of lavender oil
Losing myself in the rhythm as i glide my hands all over his back
Feeling a peaceful energy between us
He received a back massage
I felt loved
I was feeling so down last night and Daddy had already went to bed. I left him a note telling him I was feeling down and asking if he could leave me a sweet note that I could carry with me today.
He wrote 3 notes worth. ❤❤❤
it’s an hour past my bedtime and i cannot make myself go. I feel lost. job is a disaster but i dont think that i would be happier elsewhere. this country is a mess. i don’t understand. surely even the supporters have to be going “umm wait a minute” by now? he and i and this is routine. it feels like it is back sliding. my joy is meh. my love and devotion for him is not in question. he is my everything. and yet he can’t be so…
yet somehow i know the answer is balance and to turn deeper into my quest
i’m going to bed
This is such a great article. It is longer. I have only shared the last section.
If you Love him, Don’t Destroy Him. by Elyane Youssef
Love him right, for through that love he will learn how to love himself. How you look at him impacts how he sees himself.
Stay independent and strong. Be the woman he fell in love with, because this is how he wants you. Make him laugh the same way you did on those first couple of dates. Don’t make him feel like you’re losing yourself in the process of loving him.
Don’t blame him and don’t use words as weapons. Instead, communicate with him and be as open with him as you are with your journal. Don’t make him guess what you’re feeling or going through. Don’t shower him with, “I’m fine,” while you keep your inner-most emotions to yourself.
He wants you to speak up and hold him accountable when he is wrong. He wants you to be assertive and point the finger when it’s warranted, but also to be brave enough to turn it on yourself when you’re at fault. This is how you earn each other’s respect.
And once you earn his respect, and his heart, you’ll have a partner, a lover, and a friend for life.