Looking at a friends twitter page I saw this message to her and it really put things in perspective for me. I wanted to share it and I do not have an incognito account there so I cannot tag him but I give him full credit here.
“Rules are easier to make than to compel others to follow. I speak a lot about values. If rules align with values they’re followed. Therefore, the trick to getting people to follow rules is to connect their values (what’s important to them) with the rule. Not the consequence, but the rule. Hope that makes sense.” – Dominant Musings @DominantMusings (twitter)
I value his rules because I want to please him. I really don’t have many rules and there are specific reasons for them. I think if there were many or that they were “silly” (to each their own) I would not see the purpose and therefore there would be no value in them. Even if a rule seemed silly to me if it truly made him happy I would see it his way. However if I thought he was making stuff up just so there would be a list of rules then my heart wouldn’t be in it. I want to please his wishes not have busy work.
Daddy doesn’t like to do punishments. So he has never set up consequences for breaking the rules that he has laid out. I have struggled with that because I want to know that he will lay down the law if I don’t follow. What I realized though is the consequence is his disappointment. I asked for him to lead and if I don’t abide by that then I am not respecting him. AHA! LOVE & RESPECT I feel loved because he has made the rules and if I don’t follow then he feels I am not respecting him.
Loss of Love & Respect = Ultimate consequence