I would like to say this weekend was good but it wasn’t. A disagreement Friday night flowed until Sunday afternoon. It was the third weekend in a row that has started like this and to be blunt I lost my shit. To me it was not what started it but how he handled it. It was in a way I have said feels like abandonment. Therefore in my own mind he has crossed a limit repeatedly and I was putting the babygirl away. I was laying that brick wall.
Hindsight I overreact but in that moment I feel so alone and I justify it with the fact I’ve expressed to him how it makes me feel. It feels like the end of the world and I don’t want to go on in these times. However that is no excuse.
Ultimately I am not TRUSTING him. Obvious maybe but I didn’t realize it until today. In these moments I panic and I feel like he is abandoning me. NEVER ONCE has he truly abandoned me. NEVER!
We are good now. Yet I feel ashamed at how much I was withdrawing. Truthfully I can’t put “her” away. She isn’t really separate. She is me. A part of me I denied for far too long and she most definitely needs her Daddy.