Effort

Ram Dass had a retreat in Maui over the weekend and I signed up to get links to the videos. I took copious notes. 

One session had you personifying your demons. Mine seem to be mostly small girls. Hmmm

These sessions and reading about ego and attachment have my mind swimming. I’ve always been into the self-help genre. I don’t do fiction very often. For some reason I have always been trying to figure myself out.  

In my researching and reading about D/s and submission, I have too often had the desire or expectation for him to “fix me.” You know the bad stuff, the insecurities, and the self-doubt. As if I could finally just turn it over to him and it, he would take care of it. 

That is not his responsibility. I am the only one that can do the work. The changes are mine to make. Yes, some changes have occurred because of the complete love I feel now but the effort is still required of me.

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12 thoughts on “Effort

  1. Sounds like a great seminar! It’s funny… I remember the moment when I realized that self-improvement is a life-long journey, it’s not something we’ll probably ever “finish”. Currently, I am working on mood-regulation. It is so easy to get caught up in depression, but I am learning to recognize my own feelings/behaviors associated with being sad and trying to do things (listen to happy music, read, write, clean, exercise) that pulls me out of that funk. What is it that you are trying to work on right now?

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  2. Ah, it would be nice to hand the emotional crazy side of ourselves over to a qualified repair person and get a better, more level headed self back. I’m glad that there are many ways to find qualified guides to help us help ourselves. You are not alone in the journey of self discovery and self improvement. I’ve listened to some of your struggles and you are trying hard and headed in the right direction. Hugs.

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  3. Love Ram Dass’ ramblings! Such wisdom in what he says. And yes, we must fix ourselves, we alone are responsible for our happiness. I think that fear of rejection and abandonment come up when when someone is angry with us and needs their space. We can take it as rejection instead of just what they need to process their emotions. It all boils down to trust. When you really trust that that someone is not going to quit on you, when you trust that no matter what they will return and work it out with you, then the spiraling will stop.

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