Eclipsing My Joy

*pardon the analogy – I had to 😉

I have let outside forces eclipse my joy of us. My overwhelming comparisons have darkened my heart and caused me to judge him unfairly. It is a recurring theme and I am frustrated with myself. I am tempted to put on those glasses that see only him but not being able to view the rest of the world is isolating.

I’ve been tempted to lay it at his feet. Subtle and definitely not so conversations have been going on in my head. An outline written on paper for a discussion. Good judgement prevented me from asking for that yesterday. I have asked myself what changes am I requesting, specifically. I have been unable to define that. How can I expect him to give what I cannot request.

Ultimately I know this is me and my work. He can not fix me and I will not do further harm by unloading my unreasonable and negative judgements, in the hopes that he will.

Last night before bed I sent him an email thanking him for the ways in which he handled situations this weekend. He said it was helpful and it made him smile.

I will continue on with positive not negative. I will figure out precisely what I want and bring those topics up for discussion. 

I am responsible for my submission. 


11 thoughts on “Eclipsing My Joy

  1. This is the side of submission a lot of people don’t see or understand, especially if they think Doms do all the work and subs have it easy. This is the truly hard work of submission, and it’s something that continually blows me away.

    Hang in there, we’re rooting for you from the sidelines. 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

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