What If He Won’t Join In

A piece I wrote for  The SafeworD/s Club.

When I started researching D/s I joined another online community and despite my normal introversion I jumped right into the chat discussions. I was determined that is what I wanted and I devoured all available advice. Immediately I was heavily pressured to see that my husband join as well. I did get him to sign up but I felt overlooked when he did not actively participate.

While I had some minimal experience with socializing online, he did not and had no interest in doing so. We had several fights over my pushing and insisting that he get involved. Not submissive at all but seemed to be excused in the group forum. It was as if our future with a D/s relationship hung solely on his willingness to get online.

I have found the support in a community forum beneficial. Through these sites I have made some treasured friends. I am able to share more with them than anyone else.  Some people are just not wired that way, though. They may prefer to talk in person or they may not choose to talk about their personal business to anyone. If your Dom is one of these people it does not mean that your hope for this dynamic is doomed.

If you find yourself in this position stop focusing on what he is not doing. It does nothing to feed his dominance and will only cause animosity. It can feel like every other D type is joining the chats and you desperately wish yours would too. Trust me I get it but you are better off spending the time working on yourself. If he is receptive, you can provide him information on material resources but otherwise *sing it with me* Let It Go.

Most importantly do not be discouraged; social media is not the only way to a D/s relationship. The dynamic you desire is still possible without it. If you need to, drop me a line and we can commiserate while the couples chat.

*also posted at https://thesafewordsclub.com/what-if-he-wont-join-in/



8 thoughts on “What If He Won’t Join In

  1. Great post, toraprincess! I can emphasize, as my husband has no desire to join the on-line kink community either. What does work for him, however; is when I read an article that I think that he may be interested in, I am allowed to email him (only once per day). He learns a lot about D/s this way, without having to do anything that he is uncomfortable with.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Were you not comfortable there, how would his pushing you to join feel? Maybe if he started pushing you to put pictures on your posts?

    You are correct in your observations and advice. People make decisions for any given number of reasons but anyone who tells you that you “must” get you spouse to do something probably isn’t a very wise source of advice. (That of course has limitations. Say if he had a serious coke habit for instance and “didn’t need” help.)

    Offering, listening, considering and respecting those around us would end divorce courts as we know them.

    Liked by 2 people

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