Permission Slips

“Feel loved. Don’t fear change. Remember You are my princess.”

In Braving the Wilderness Brene Brown talks about writing herself little notes which she calls her permission slips. The first note, “Permission to be excited and goofy and to have fun.” was written just before meeting Oprah for the first time. She said that they were an attempt to belong to herself and no one else. Brene points out that even with a permission slip you have to make an effort to get on the bus.

Daddy has been leaving me notes every work day for over two years now. They are written on brightly colored post-it notes. I have a thing for stationery that may or may not rival my pen addiction, so it gives me an excuse to buy new ones because you know Daddy needs them. When the stack on my dresser got out of hand I made a little treasure box to hold them. That box is now stuffed to capacity. I know I should go through them and only save the “special ones” but I find that difficult. They are all special just because of the time he took to write them.

When I read that passage in Brene’s book I thought of these notes. They are my permission slips. They are permission to be me. Permission to see who I am and be proud, to be patient and strong. Permission to feel his love and pride in me every day. Most days I have at least one in my pocket and sometimes I have several. There are days that reading it first thing upon waking up is enough but there are days where I have to pull it out of my pocket and read it again. I take a step forward and get on that bus because Daddy says I can. 

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Seeking New Layers

I don’t want to allow the rules or structure of D/s to prevent us from adding or trying something else that could benefit our relationship.

THERE!!! I think that is what I have been rambling and trying to verbalize all of this time. The fuck the labels and all that shit.

We had an amazing day Saturday that he planned just for me. I’m such a lucky woman. We talked a lot and I felt he has been very confused by my care / not care about the D/s. We talked about layers like Ogres and onions and Finally that sentence came out. He said that helped clarify things.

I am not looking to drop what we have instituted nor do I wish to level off. Quite the opposite, I do not want to get pegged into any hole. (insert dirty joke here – tee hee) I see things on a different horizon drawing my attention. I need to follow. I realize that I am guiding this evolution. I am the seeker and he is happy to hear “Look what I found Daddy!”

Consider or Enter – Nepo

For furcissy   sometimes you have to stop analyzing and just be 🙂

Consider or Enter

“If you try to comprehend air
before breathing it,
you will die.”

We can only consider things so long. After a while, all the information – all the options and opinions – will begin to weigh us down. After our deeper eyes have seen the situation, all the well-meaning voices telling us what we should or should not do will start to feel like strings we can’t cut through.

This was poor Hamlet’s fate. He overthought his life away. He over-considered which way to go until he felt stalled and oppressed by just being in the world. It is natural enough to be cautious and thoughtful, especially when faced with important decisions, but often the only way to know what awaits us is to live it.

This brings to mind the revelation that came upon a Hindu sage centuries ago. One day in the middle of their morning prayers, the sage suddenly rose and ushered his students away from the monastery. He rushed about them and shooed them back into life like little ducks, proclaiming, “The day is to be experienced, not understood!”

The Book of Awakening – Mark Nepo

Mondays are Hard

Mondays are hard

we’ve spent our weekend attached at the hip, it’s only hours but I miss you

Mondays are hard

My note said feel safe being you, feel loved and be patient it’s monday

Mondays are hard

We texted each other 30 times today

Mondays are hard

We went for a walk and i ended up mad

Mondays are hard

Crying outside no longer able to hold it in

Mondays are hard

You came and got me and we talked and talked

Mondays are hard

Together we made it through the day

Tomorrow is Tuesday

Traumatized

I saw the shadow of a large bird. I quickly looked up to catch a glimpse of a large hawk… carrying a SQUIRREL!

I immediately texted Daddy my distress and he responded “He probably needed a ride. Hawks are helpful that way.”

I don’t think so Daddy. RIP Squirrel friend ❤️😪