This book is set up as a daily meditation but I don’t read them daily. I’ve been working on this book for well more than a year. So when I do read I will usually do a couple. Daddy instructed to read this morning which I do enjoy. I read two and neither really hit me so I figured one more. SHEESH this one was meant for me today.
The Book of Awakening – Mark Nepo
Until We Live It
“We come with all these parts and no instructions how they go together.”
It is so tempting to want the answers before we begin the journey. We like to know our way. We like to have maps. We like to have guides. But we are more like a breathing puzzle, a living bag of pieces, and each day shows us what a piece or two is for, where it might go, how it might fit. Over time, a picture starts to emerge by which we begin to understand our place in the world.
Unfortunately, we waste a lot of time seeking someone to tell us what life will be like once we live it. We drain ourselves of vital inner fortitude by asking others to map our way. At the end of all this stalling, though, we each have to venture out and simply see what happens.
The instructions are in the living, and I confess that of all the times I thought I liked this or didn’t care for that, not one was of my choosing or yours. For as the Earth was begun like a dish breaking, eternity is that scene slowly reversing, and you and I and the things we’re drawn to are merely the pieces of God unbreaking back together.
I don’t care for change but I am in dire need of change in my workplace. I have decided to apply for a training program outside of work. It will actually get me back on the path I intended on going down 15+ years ago. I have the paper degree but not the field experience. I have Zero confidence (nothing new for me.) If accepted, this will get me specific training with a forced mentorship program. I am sick to stomach every time I think of it. Back in the classroom, homework, meeting new people, networking BLECH, and eventually changing jobs.
I have been running Daddy down with the What If’s. From not getting in, to getting in. completing, landing a job making double what I make now and Then hating it. Lmao I’m peppering a few I know in the field with questions in hopes of… I have no idea. Hope they tell me No don’t do it you won’t make it? I don’t know. Of course they have all been so positive and encouraging. DAMMIT lol
I can’t see the end. I can’t be sure if it will be worth it or not. What if I don’t get accepted. Now I’ve told all of you and I will have to tell you I failed. Where are those fucking tissues?