I was reading How do we free ourselves from other people’s expectations? by Ram Dass and it gave insight as to my desires for D/s and the struggles we have had. Ram Dass says that as we grow up we are rewarded for our behavior by our caretakers, however, we don’t just see it as a measure of our behavior but also our self-worth and identity. Everyone is worthy and no one else should get to determine who you are but as Ram Dass also points out everyone has their own agenda and needs. They expect you to exist in a way that makes them comfortable.
The submissive in me wants to please Daddy but I think more than that wants Daddy to be pleased with me. D/s was a means of getting that need met for me. Here you be in charge tell me what to do give me a list of rules I will carry them out. You will be happy and in turn be happy with me and if not you can punish me but not be mad at me.
** Side note — The previous paragraph was a revelation that wasn’t there when I started typing. My truest desire is not to please him but to have him pleased with me and the desire to have him never angry with me. fuck
As I read this article I knew that Daddy had already grasped how to love without expectations. He had been doing it all along. That is why my desire for a strict D/s structure didn’t work for him. I was trying to impose on him a way he did not understand. He believed in loving me as I am. From his viewpoint who was he to direct my growth or impose his will.
What has developed or I shall say continues to develop is a way that feeds us both. Daddy provides support, encouragement, and daily reminders of his love and happiness with me. He is open about his needs so I can feel satisfaction in meeting them. Expectations that he has for me are ones that support my health and wellbeing. Boundaries typically pertain to himself. Apparently he doesn’t like me to tweak his nipples while he shaves. 🙄
Enforcement or punishment is not there because again he won’t make me comply. It is that free spirit that gives him joy. The desire and choice to obey is all mine. I am responsible for my submission. Are there times I want to stomp my babygirl feet and say “Make Me!”? Yeah but unless we are both in a playful moment that isn’t going to go well.
He doesn’t desire to direct my path and it may not be conscious but he is assisting to teach me the hardest lessons. Seek my own path not dependant on anyone else’s approval or expectations … not even his. Accept that he can be angry with me and still love me.