We take joy in and accept a child that sees the world in this manner, however there’s a stigma with an adult that continues to do the same.
I believe this is what Daddy is often looking for when he says I need you to be little. The happiness it brings him just watching me enjoy life.
Mark Nepo The Book of Awakening
“Believing is all a child does for a living.”
~ Kurtis Lamkin
Picasso once said that artists are those of us who still see with the eyes of children. Somehow, as we journey into the world, more and more gets in the way, and we stop questioning things in order to move deeper into them and start questioning as a way to challenge things that we fear are false.
As a child I used to talk to things – birds that flew over head, trees that swayed slowly in the night, even stones drying in the sun. For years, though, I stopped doing this freely because of what others might think, and then I stopped altogether. Now I learn that Native Americans do this all the time, that many original peoples believe with their childlike eyes right into the center of things.
Now, almost fifty, I am humbled to recover the wisdom that believing is not a conclusion, but a way into the vitality that waits in everything.
I have not openly talked about my online friends with my children. Now they are not stupid and they have known for quite some time that I am chatting online. I have been given many a lecture about how who I am chatting with could really be a “middle aged man in his mother’s basement”. Lmao When I talk to Daddy about my friends I tend to lower my voice around the kids. I am not ashamed of them, I think it is just due to the nature of our meeting. I’m not good at lying and so telling them I met them in a quilting forum wouldn’t be convincing. Lol
Saturday I got the news just a couple hours before an extended family bbq. Daddy texted all of the kids and let them know that someone I was close to was gone. It wasn’t discussed but I got extra hugs and they were sympathetic.
In the next few months I am planning to meet a few of these friends in person. Last night I casually mentioned to my oldest the conference and friend that I would be meeting. I gave little detail as I hadn’t quite planned it out. This morning I realized I really do want to let the kids know about my friends. I want to talk about them openly. Elsewhere too. I lost a really good friend and part of me wanted to say something when I was asked How was your time off? Alright was what I said when I really wanted to say it fucking sucked.
I’m going through the photos in our group chat. thousands of photos There are lots of cute animals, memes, pens, mlp, coloring pages we’ve done, photos of our kids, pets, hair. Scrolling through is mostly innocuous and then a dildo pic rolls by. lmao
We’ve shared everything. Our lives.
Emmie’s last upload.
I’ve been meaning to write about the friendships formed. How much they mean that my heart is full because of them.
Today my heart is ripped out.
I’ve lost one of my best friends. I’ve never met her but I’ve shared so much with her.
“You seem like you wanna chat. I’ll chat with you.” Started a friendship and eventally me on my little realization.
I don’t know what to do knowing your gone.
Oh Emily I yuv you and bite me