Daddy took me to see the My Little Pony movie the night it came out. I love this man.
On the way home I told Daddy my favorite pony was Fluttershy. “What?! I thought it was that Rainbow pony.” He was shocked. Giggles
I don’t really watch that much MLP. I’m not at Bronie level. Tee hee There were several Bronie’s at the theater wearing t-shirts. It was really a more mixed crowd than you would think.
Anyway I picked Fluttershy a while back just because I thought she was pretty and she seemed very sweet. When I looked up her bio I was surprised to find she is the one that takes care of the animals and she represents kindness. Very much fitting for me.
My jammies were on and I had turned down the bed as instructed. Snuggled up next to him he told me I was going to have to help turn the pages. The book he ordered must have arrived but I wondered what the cover would look like and if we should be reading it with the door open. All I knew was that he had ordered a book and I assumed it had to do with sex. Lol
I am pretty sure my mouth fell open when he pulled this out. You see weeks prior, I had seen this book somewhere. I snuck a quick photo and texted him saying something about really wanting to read it but it wasn’t appropriate at the time. I had no idea that he had looked for it in stores and when he couldn’t find it anywhere he ordered it off Amazon out of the country.
So he read it to me and I turned the pages. He had me point to and count the different animals. ☺️
Once again he floored me. 💗
“Unconditional love is not so much about how we receive and endure each other, as it is about the deep vow to never, under any condition, stop bringing the flawed truth of who we are to each other.”
Much is said about unconditional love today, and I fear that it has been misconstrued as an extreme form of “turning the other cheek,” which to anyone who has been abused is not good advice. However, this exaggerated passivity is quite different from the unimpeded flow of love that carries who we are.
In truth, unconditional love does not require a passive acceptance of whatever happens in the name of love. Rather, in the real spaces of our daily relationships, it means maintaining a commitment that no condition will keep us from bringing all of who we are to each other honestly.
For example, on any given day, I might be preoccupied with my own needs, and might overlook or bruise what you need and hurt you. But then you tell me and show me your hurt, and I feel bad, and you accept that sometimes I go blind to those around me. But we look deeply on each other, and you accept my flaws, but not my behavior, and I am grateful for the chance to work on myself. Somehow, it all brings us closer.
Unconditional love is not the hole in us that receives the dirt, but the sun within that never stops shining.
The Book of Awakening – Mark Nepo
This WOW’d me today. It challenges that the responsibility of receiving unconditional love isn’t on the other person but on yourself. That you have to keep bringing your authentic self through honesty if you want to keep that flow alive. Instead of wallowing in the feeling of being hurt by someone in unconditional love you acknowledge that it was not their intention and you voice that hurt so that they can accept it.
“Does doing Daddy things turn you on?” I threw it out there as we ate our bread and salad snuggled together on the same side of the booth. I pretty much knew the answer. I expected that he would say something along the lines of No not really.
There was no mistaking the night before that he was turned on as he undressed me. Now we aren’t talking a “sexy” undressing. This was a take my shoes and socks off, untie them and tuck the laces inside. Then arms up and lift my shirt over my head, remove my bra then lay back lift my hips and pull of my jeans. I was instructed to lay under the fan and cool off a bit before he returned with my jammies and dressed me. This was a Daddy undressing and yet I couldn’t help but notice the bulge in his pants.
I wondered if the Daddy thing turned him on but I presumed it was just a case of him being already aroused. I figured that at least it was a sign that the Daddy thing didn’t turn him off. So I was rather astounded when he said Yes.
Thank you Daddy. For loving me, leading me, giving me permission and encouraging me to be me. I think that is the definition of lucky and love. ❤
I didn’t want anything to change. I just wanted to get rid of the measuring stick that I seemed to be comparing us to on a daily basis. I expected that everything would continue as it was and I would feel free and light and I did for maybe a day.
I wasn’t calling it quits or giving up and yet it all fell apart. I think it was a shit storm that all came together at the right or Wrong time. I hate to always blame female hormones but damn I’m thinking I may need to be locked in a padded room at times. He was feeling an extra amount of stress from all other aspects in his life and despite it not being my intention my declaration to Fuck this Label was like the rug being pulled out from under him. His only source of stability gone. He withdrew.
I felt a shift in my thinking. Initially it was relief as I did not realize how much pressure I put on myself to be perfectly submissive. I felt like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders and then I just felt lost. He was distant and I seemed to have lost that submissive mindset that guided me. The world was dark and empty and I was alone.
It was that connection to him. My life buoy was gone and I was struggling to stay afloat. We made several attempts in those days to reach each other but they just kept falling short. I’m not even sure what it was that finally got us back in the same rhythm. I know I told him I wished that conversation never took place and that I needed him and us more than anything.
Even once our bond was restored he had a defeated look about him. I feel ashamed at how much I hurt him. Yet I know I can’t fall into the perfectionism desire. I have went about being me and giving him extra love, if there’s a level beyond smothering, lmao. Yesterday it seemed he had returned and it was amazing.
I don’t know if it was the act of discarding the label that caused all of this or it was just where we were at the time. It is painful but struggle can always be an opportunity for growth and learning. “This” is simply US and these are the tools we use to solidify our connection.