The One Left Behind

When we started dating I was still in high school with an evening job and Daddy worked day hours. On nights I was working he would get off work and then park in the lot at my job and wait for me to go on break. He would wait well over an hour to see me for fifteen minutes. You bet your ass I didn’t let this one get away.

One evening I did not want to tear myself away from him and I said I wished that we could just take off. He said let’s do it and so we did. I got in my car and we raced out of the parking lot and met in a nearby park to figure out what next. We spent the evening hanging out and I never went back to that job. It was stupid and irresponsible. What I regret most is that I left my favorite pen in my smock pocket. It was pink and white. Clicker type and it wrote so smoothly. It’s been almost twenty five years but I have not forgotten you. #penlove

* Not the actual pen. Regretfully I have no photos of it.  -photo from google

Book Report: Real Service by: Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny

Two of my friends have already reviewed this book so it’s time for my report. Little Pearl found this gem and on her glowing recommendation several of us followed.

Missy beat me to the punch and submitted her review next.

I think anyone desiring a dominant submissive relationship should pick up a nonfiction book describing day-to-day life by an experienced person/couple. Hopefully you will find one that, as in this one, will explain to you that your life isn’t suddenly going to become a fantasy or high-class unless that is already your lifestyle.

In this book two styles of dominance are defined as parental and celebrity. They go on to give an example of two different couples that are on the very extreme ends of each style. In one couple the Dom arranges the evening, drives, orders for the sub, and takes care of the bill because the sub isn’t allowed to handle money. Where in the other couple the sub handles all of those tasks so the Dom is pampered and taken care of.

The first couple is very FSOG and I have to say what I think quite a few of the new submissives have their sights set on. That is the fantasy that draws them in. So they crave to be submissive and want him to become their Dom but what if what he desires is the second couple? Uh oh That isn’t necessarily fun or sexy is it?

Honestly, I don’t see how you could be a married submissive and not have service incorporated in your dynamic unless you were strictly D/s in the bedroom. To me that is just a part of daily life. The book included many pages of various different services that could be rendered but also points out “If the master doesn’t want it, it isn’t service.” A really good idea to keep in mind when he doesn’t acknowledge or fawn over all the hard work you did.

I enjoyed the book. It gave realistic perspective on how living this life isn’t just a fairy tale and that it takes time and constant revision to establish a working system.

“Eventually – and please understand that this process took a couple of years…”

I also found useful tips on the mindset of working in a service job that I can utilize in my day job.

Shower Art – Symbol

This is my latest shower art creation. It has been up over a week and I really enjoy this piece. The kneeling figure draws my attention and I feel peace, love and contentment. 

OH and that is the standing guy’s ARM!!! You people are dirty!

Happiness is…

pulling my recliner next to his so I can touch him when i want
making him tea
driving around and talking for hours with no destination
playing on the computer while he watches tv
smacking his ass and being told Ok we’re done for the night 😛

My Toolbox

My submission is the expression of my love and devotion for my husband. It is part of me and makes me whole. I am responsible for my submission. Therefore, I am proactive in creating things that help me.

Kneeling is something I did a lot in the beginning. I used it frequently to calm my mind. I realized the other night that I don’t use it as often anymore. I’m not sure if I am in need of it less or maybe I’m relying more on the other tools I have created.

One thing I do is hold my hands out, palms up as if I am presenting something and I will take a deep breath. Sometimes I say, “Let it go” if I’m stressed or struggling. Other times I may do it when I am filled with happiness. It is a visual reminder and a physical action tying me to that decision to let go into it. I find that I use this a lot because unlike kneeling it can be done anywhere.  It can even be done in the car – briefly at stoplights. Don’t do a “Look Ma NO hands!”

I also created a personal mantra that I say at least once daily. I don’t share it because I want to keep it personal. It includes things I need to remember like patience. 😉 Another part of it is that he loves me and that I am responsible for my submission.

I think any submissive could use a few tools. They help you reset and remind you of your purpose and desire of this commitment. I know many dominants create these for their submissives but if yours does not then create them for yourself. I created my mantra with things that I knew he wanted me to be mindful of and then I reviewed it with him before I committed it to memory. Find inspiration online or start writing your own. The submissives prayer is one I see used a lot. You could also do an acronym. I used one I found online for a while before I created my mantra.

I choose to serve in submission.

Wax Play – Not the weekend highlight

Friday I texted Daddy and told him that I was craving some play time. That evening after dinner I got my wish. He braided my hair, blindfolded me and put me on the tablecloth he laid on the bed. A light massage with oil to start with and then came the hot drips of wax. I was surprised at how arousing it was. Wax, wand, a nice fucking and I was in bliss.

Saturday was an event I had been dreading, a party for my father and stepmother. I was fretting over being asked to participate in the ceremony last minute. Daddy told me I was to stop worrying about it and that he would take care of it if it happened. That was challenging. It did not come to that but I had decided I would accept however he decided to handle the situation. Even if it made me uncomfortable or had future ramifications. I have no idea what he envisioned and he isn’t a hot head so I’m sure he would not have caused a scene. At the same time I know that he has held back over the years because of me. If the need arose he would speak up for me knowing he has my trust.

Throughout the night he continually reassured me that I was his babygirl. He squeezed my hand and whispered in my ear through the toasts that I found difficult to listen to. I made us matching bracelets from the napkin ribbon and he proudly wore it while taking some light kidding from others. During our required presence on the dance floor he held me tight against him and said he didn’t give a fuck when I asked him if he thought we were being too affectionate for everyone.

I’m a lightweight when it comes to liquor and I did not have that many but I managed to end up trashed. He took me home reassuring me that he loved me when I cried along the way. He listened as I giggled while drunk texting the kids and telling all of the little group how much I loved them. At home he stripped me and put me in bed. He tucked my tigers in my arms and put a cold washcloth on my head.

This weekend I had the whole package, sexual and emotional. Play time was great but it wasn’t the highlight.

Perseverance – 25 years for real this time


Yesterday was the actual anniversary of our first date. Since I handled the celebration a month earlier…

Daddy took care of it this time. Lol He told me he had plans for the evening.

In the morning my note was a writing assignment. Part one was write two things you loved about the last 25 years. I wrote him a journal page for each. One was that he was my best friend. He has been since the beginning. The second was that we never quit. Despite the difficulties and the heartache we kept trying or just hung in there at times. Kayla used the word perseverance in her podcast today and that totally fits. In our hearts we always knew the other was a good person and there was love there. We just didn’t know how to communicate. Thank goodness we are a couple of stubborn hard headed individuals that wanted nothing more than to love each other.

Oh and the evening was based on a mixture of both our first and second dates. All kids and significant others arrived and we went out for pizza and ice cream. It was perfect.