Do I want to be dominated or do I want to submit?

I was reading something the other day and there was a comment something like they want to be dominated more than they want to submit.

I think I could have used that question throw an at me a few times along this journey and maybe I did but not in those terms.

Yes I want to be dominated, usually. I think that is the hot fantasy thoughts but what I desire more is to submit to him.

I need to please him, to be his good girl and make him happy. I want that more than I want him to give me a list of rules to follow. If I need a little extra control I ask for it. I ask permission for a snack or to put my pj’s on. I ask him to take my shoes off or to reach something in the cabinet. I don’t have to wait on his dominance. I actively submit.

Not That Kinky

If kinky is a spectrum then we are probably pretty low on the scale. I’m no masochist and he’s no sadist, we will likely never step foot into a dungeon or play in public, neither of us have any real fetishes and we both regularly get off with something just above that plain ol’ vanilla that many thumb their nose at.

I often hang in groups of kinky people where I seem to be barely making the admittance requirements. It should not bother me but that stupid comparison thing kicks in and sometimes it gets to me. I am certainly not in the “sex is only to be tolerated occasionally for him on special occasions like his birthday but OMG we do not EVER talk about it” camp so I feel at times like I’m stuck somewhere between the two realms.

I do know that kinky folk are generally accepting and I have more to learn in that group than in a bunch that feel something as beautiful as sexuality is shameful and should be hidden. What I have learned and what we have introduced has changed our sex life for the better and reinvigorated our marriage. When sex is good, the intimacy it facilitates spreads through the relationship.

I do wonder though. Where does fucking me at the kitchen window while I watch squirrels score on the kink-o-meter?

Pain & Distance – In Real Life

When we begin blogging due to the topics we write about most of us choose to do so “anonymously”. However, probably because of the intimate nature of the stories we share we form close friendships. I know that I have shared so much more of myself to those I have found here and in chat rooms than most people “in real life.” That term is funny because isn’t it all “in real life”. Quite a few of those close friends have or are going through some rough shit lately. I cry real tears for their pain and the thousands of miles between us. All I can do is send love.

Conversations With Me #1

Spotting the new exercise band laying on the bed. “Is that a condom?”

“Yeah maybe for an elephant.”

“Oh have you ever seen elephants having sex?”

“NO and I’m good” he quickly professes.

“Because it’s like huge” as I hold my arms out.

“Does that turn you on?”

“No it kinda freaks me out.”

He just shakes his head and walks away.

*Oh and I’m sure Daddy thanks whoever it was that showed me the elephant porn. Seriously I can’t remember why I watched it but someone must be responsible.